HOW TO BE HAPPY 
THOUGH MARRIED 



BY 

tt 



PUBLISHED BY 

THE AUTHOR 



LIBRARY of CONGRESS) 

Two Copies Receiyed 

MAK 22 1009 

h- Copyist £ntry 
CLASS Oil XXc No., 



Copyrighted, 1908, 

BY 









PREFACE 



The following story, with the exception of names 
and places, is absolutely true, and has been written 
with the hope that the reader may obtain benefit from 
the truths therein contained. 

Chicago, III., Oct. 23, 1908. 



HOW TO BE HAPPY 
THOUGH MARRIED 



CHAPTER I 



I shall start this story by relating something of my 
own experience. I may say that I have traveled a 
good deal, and by so doing have come in contact, and 
gotten fairly well acquainted with hundreds of mar- 
ried couples, and it was the exception to see any that 
even seemed to get along without a certain amount 
of quarreling and fighting. As I am almost a peace- 
at-any-price man, and would do almost anything to 
avoid a quarrel, I was almost afraid to try matrimony, 
but in the course of time the right girl happened to 
come along, and, well, through sleight of hand, mes- 
merism or some kind of legerdemain, I was taken in, 
and woke up one day to find myself engaged. I was 
certainly scared. The ghosts of all the unhappily mar- 
ried people I had ever known came along and haunted 
me. If it hadn't have been for a fine sense of honor 
that I inherited from my mother, I believe I would 

7 



8 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

have skipped out. I was also too big a coward to do 
so. As I was in for matrimony whether or no, and 
as I wished to live peaceably if possible, I thought 
of the old proverb, "An ounce of prevention is worth 
a pound of cure." So I figured that the best way to 
prevent quarreling after marriage was to figure out 
some rules beforehand. The next time I saw my 
intended, I told her my troubles, and we forthwith 
organized a society for the prevention of domestic 
storms and squabbles, and the promotion of peace. 
In the first place, I gave her a history of my life, as 
near as I could remember it up to that time. Of course 
she had heard most of my life story before this, but 
at this time I made a clean breast of everything, good, 
bad and indifferent. I kept nothing back, as I wanted 
her to know just what kind of a character I was. I 
didn't intend to let her marry me with the idea that 
I was perfect, and then when she found out her mis- 
take, which she surely would, declare that I had de- 
ceived her. As I had started the ball rolling by tell- 
ing my story, she could do no less than follow my 
example, which she did. We then took a solemn vow 
that we would believe in each other under any and 
all circumstances. That we would not let anyone come 
between us or run the other half down in our hearing. 
We also agreed never to quarrel, and this is the way 
we arranged the matter. 



THO UGH MARRIED g 

I may say that my intended was very warm-hearted, 
affectionate, generous, unselfish, etc., etc., but, like 
most people of this kind, had also a very warm, fiery 
temper, which she hadn't under very good control. As 
for myself, I was not nearly as loving or unselfish — 
there are very few men who are overburdened with 
unselfishness — and although I had a temper of my 
own, I controlled it pretty well. The way we arranged 
about quarreling was that if one or the other should 
so far forget as to say anything cross, the other was 
to keep quiet, it didn't make any difference if they 
had to nearly bite off the tongue in doing so; say 
nothing and keep right on saying it. As we had 
promised to believe and have confidence in each other, 
under all circumstances, in order to make this easier, 
it was necessary to also agree to hide nothing from 
each other. The good book says "That they two shall 
be one flesh," and that is the way we looked at it. 
We knew that we loved each other above anyone else 
in the world, and on that account could not do or say 
anything to hurt each other without hurting ourselves 
the worst. In course of time I got an interest in what 
I thought was a good business, and as we were both 
old enough, thought we might as well get married, 
which we did. Now there are hundreds of people 
who are ready to propound theories to revolutionize 



io HOW TO BE HAPPY 

everything, from the taking care of babies to the ad- 
ministration of the governments of the world, but the 
trouble is that they are only theories and are not 
practical. So I have no doubt most of my readers 
will have said, "The foregoing is very beautiful, but 
will it stand the wear and tear of life. It may be all 
right when the sun is shining, but how about when 
the rainy season sets in ?" Some will think of the old 
saying, "When poverty comes in at the door love 
flies out at the window." I have given you enough 
of theory, now -for practice. We furnished a small 
flat on the installment plan, got married and started 
out to bear and forbear. Everything ran along all 
right for about a week; no clouds of any kind, noth- 
ing but perfect bliss, but there came one of those un- 
lucky days that all housekeepers have experienced. 
You start out wrong. Get out of bed wrong foot for- 
ward, or something, and you seem to do the wrong 
thing all day. It was a rainy day to start with, and 
Jessie, this was my wife's name, got up with a bad 
headache. In getting breakfast she burned the toast, 
I hope you will pardon me, but right here I want 
to say that my wife was as fine a cook as I ever ran 
across. In fact, I always thought that she couldn't 
be beat, and that she could do everything she put 
her hand to better than any one else, and here is 



THO UGH MARRIED 1 1 

something for the men to assimilate. I wasn't afraid 
to tell her that I thought so. There are none of us. 
so old but what we enjoy praise, especially from those 
we love. 

But to "continoo and resoome," as Josiah Allen's 
wife would say. Everything went wrong all day. 
She finally got out her washing all right, and was 
beginning to straighten up the house a little, when, 
happening to glance out of the window, noticed that 
the clothes line had parted and let about half of the 
clothes down in the dirt. There was nothing to do 
but fetch them in and wash the whole outfit over 
again. By this time, what with pain and misery, she 
was just about ready to give up the ghost and just 
leaving everything, threw herself on the bed and cried 
herself to sleep, not awakening until a few minutes be- 
fore I came home. This was the last straw. She 
felt miserable enough as it was, but when she thought 
of my coming home, expecting to find a smiling little 
wife waiting just inside the door, ready to bestow a 
half dozen kisses on me, and then be led to a bounti- 
fully spread supper table, she just felt that I was 
bound to scold her, and did not think she could pos- 
sibly stand it. Now this is what I did. I came home 
tired and out of sorts, but gradually worked a smile 
on my face as I neared home. Not finding Jessie on 



12 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

opening the door, I went on out into the kitchen, and, 
well, I certainly did come very near saying something 
cross, but I took a second thought and didn't. They 
say that if a man comes home wet, cold and hungry 
and finds the house all upside down, no fire nor sup- 
per, and then keeps his temper, he is an angel. Well, 
I guess there is something in it, but circumstances 
alter cases. I knew that my wife thought more of 
me than she did of herself, and whatever the reason 
for not having supper, she was feeling worse than I 
was. So, instead of noticing that there was anything 
wrong, I went right to her, and, although she tried 
to avoid me, I caught hold of her and gave her two 
or three kisses. At this she broke down entirely. 
Leading her to a seat, I took her in my arms and after 
having her cry out I got her to tell me all about it. I 
then made her lie down on the sofa while I got some- 
thing to eat. And I made her play lady while I 
washed the dishes and straightened things up a little. 
Now, I have no doubt that a great number of peo- 
ple will say that I was a fool, or at least mighty soft, 
that I should have shown my authority, or that way of 
acting would spoil most women. Well, we will 
see how much I lost. Do you think Jessie 
thought less of me? That on the morrow she said, 
"Oh, I'll not bother particularly about getting up a 



THOUGH MARRIED 13 

fancy supper, as my husband is good natured and 
will not say anything anyway ?" No, you can be sure 
that if she loved me before, she just loved me that 
much more. And what noble deed had I done in order 
to gain this additional affection? Done an enemy a 
favor? No; but I had just performed my simple duty 
toward the one being whom I had promised to love, 
cherish and protect. Everything went along all right 
for a while after this, as far as the home was con- 
cerned, but not so as regards the business. This had 
been misrepresented to me by a supposed friend, and 
it didn't take me long to find it out. I was up against 
it good and strong, but, like a good many others, I 
held on, hoping against hope, but finally, within three 
months of our marriage, in order to come out clear, I 
had to pull out. When I got everything straightened 
out all I had in the world was about twenty-five dol- 
lars and a quantity of unpaid-for furniture. 

This was the time when I found out what a treasure 
a good wife was. Instead of blaming me for being 
foolish or gullible, it was "You poor boy ; oh, how sorry 
I am for you." She wasn't sorry for herself; it was all 
poor me; I was the one that had to suffer, not her. 
And, instead of sitting down and bemoaning her fate, 
insisted on going out to work, and in a few days I also 
found work. For the next three months both of us 



14 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

worked very hard, but, as we were away from each 
other all day, and had to put up with all kinds of 
slights, snubs and petty annoyances, that much more 
did we appreciate our home and each other when our 
day's work was finished. I generally called for Jessie, 
where she was working, and we went home together. 
And after a few kisses and hugs, there was a race 
to see how quick we could get supper. The "we" in 
this case was not the same as in the story of "How 
Betsy and I killed the bear." Jessie was cook, and I 
acted as "flunky," general utility girl. I made the 
fire, peeled the potatoes, swept up, washed the dishes 
and set the table, while Jessie concocted some fancy 
dishes, and she certainly knew how to do it. And 
the most wonderful thing about this was that, although 
we were both so tired, most of the time, before com- 
ing home, that we didn't feel as if we could lift a hand 
to do another thing, by the time we got through our 
home work, we felt as fresh as larks. Queer, wasn't 
it? At the end of three months of this, Jessie per- 
suaded me to pull up stakes and go south, into a cot- 
ton growing state. She was raised in the sunny south, 
and loved the country. Of my many mistakes and 
blunders, this move to the South was the most foolish. 
In the first place, I hadn't money enough to do any- 
thing with, and, in the second, I didn't know any- 



THOUGH MARRIED 15 

thing about the country or the people. Well, we 
started out like a couple of children going to a picnic, 
and, well, we had a picnic. They say that "One half 
the world doesn't know how the other half lives." 
The people who lived in the section where we landed 
were certainly a part of the other half all right. 

My wife, when a small girl, had known a family who 
were fairly well to do, and we proceeded to hunt them 
up. They lived about two miles from the town. This 
is a description of the house: It was about 14x18, 
with a lean-to, which was used for a bedroom. It was 
built of small logs, chinked with mud, and there were 
about a dozen places where the mud had fallen off, 
which let in the light. The floor was made of split 
logs. There was a fire place and the chimney was 
built of small logs, daubed inside with mud. There 
was only one small window. The door of the main 
part was destitute of hardware, having a wooden latch 
with a leather string attached. An old man about 55 
and his 50-year-old wife comprised the family. They 
had been fairly well off at one time, but the wife had 
a lot of lazy relatives who had sponged on the hus- 
band, who was about the best hearted man I ever 
knew. At this time they were poorer than the pro- 
verbial "church mice." Jessie and I stayed with them 
over night. For supper we had corn bread, molasses 



16 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

and coffee without either sugar or :cream, and for 
breakfast, as a change, we had coffee, molasses and 
corn bread. They told us of a man living a few 
miles away who owned considerable land and who 
would probably rent us some. So after breakfast we 
started out and tramped four miles to this man's abode, 
as there weren't any street cars in this section of the 
country. This man, whom I will call "Jed Williams," 
had a palatial residence for that part of the country. 
Having a large family, there were four or five rooms, 
and, as an especial luxury, they employed a stove for 
cooking purposes, instead of a fireplace. Shortly after 
our arrival dinner was announced, and I will never 
forget the expression Mr. Williams used when we 
were nicely seated at the table. He said, "Pitch in and 
help yourselves. We haven't very much, but what we 
have is powerful good." Jessie and I exchanged 
glances, but said nothing. The dinner consisted of the 
greasiest kind of fat pork, sweet potatoes, corn bread 
and straight coffee, that is, without sugar or cream. 
No butter, mind you. After dinner, we made a bar- 
gain with this man and rented a plot of land containing 
about ten acres, which had a small cabin upon it. The 
next day Mr. Williams lent us a team and wagon and 
we went to town, which was about four miles away, 
and laid out a large share of our scanty savings on 



THOUGH MARRIED 17 

indispensable household treasures, also some provis- 
ions. We also got a cow and calf from Mr. Williams, 
agreeing to pay $30 for same, and paying $15 on ac- 
count. The date was about the first of March, and 
as they don't start plowing until about the twentieth 
in that country, all we had to do for the next three 
weeks was to lead the "simple life," and that is cer- 
tainly what it was. Our house consisted of wood 
shed, kitchen, dining room, parlor, library, bed rooms, 
etc., etc., all in one room. It was a very simple ar- 
rangement, and saved both of us a good many extra 
steps. All we had to do in order to get from the 
wood shed to the parlor was to stay where we were 
and let the imagination do the walking back and forth. 
It was a very easy chore cutting the wood and getting 
our simple meals. Wood didn't cost anything; dead 
trees were lying down all around us, and all I had 
to do was to cut them up into suitable lengths. As it 
only took something less than a cord a day to keep 
the insatiable monster of a fireplace going, this was 
easy. I wonder if any who may read this have ever 
cooked on an old-fashioned fireplace, or waited for 
a meal to materialize. If you have, all I can say is 
that you have certainly lived. Your life has not been 
a humdrum round of monotony. For those who have 
never had this beatific pleasure, I shall describe its de- 
ls 



18 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

lights. We will say that you are the lady of the house 
and intend to get up a course dinner, the same to 
be ready punctually at noon, that being any time be- 
fore 3 o'clock. In the first place, about eight in the 
morning you start the fire of light pine, then pile on 
five or six oak logs, provided you are lucky enough 
to have them. In about three hours, or when the 
wood has burned away to a bed of coals, the cook 
can start operations. For baking corn bread or bis- 
cuits she would use a receptacle like a frying pan, only 
larger, deeper and possessing a cover. She would have 
her biscuits or corn bread mixed up, all ready in the 
pan and when the fire is just right, on goes the pan. If 
sweet potatoes were on hand, these would be placed 
in the ashes. If the roasted or "parched coffee," as 
they call it, is all finished, it will be necessary to parch 
some more, which is a very simple and pleasant occu- 
pation, as when you have finished you will be lucky 
if your face and hands are not blistered and your 
eyebrows and lashes are intact. At last the meal will 
be ready, and the great feast, consisting of corn 
bread, sweet potatoes and coffee will be piled upon 
the groaning table. 

The novelty of this work and being continually to- 
gether kept us from complaining until the time came 
for us to begin active operations. At last hearing 



THOUGH MARRIED 19 

from Mr. Williams that it was time to start, I went 
over to his place, brought home a mule that I was to 
plow with. I was to have the use of this animal all 
summer, and, in lieu of rent, was to pay Mr. Wil- 
liams one bale of cotton. I was also required to fur- 
nish the feed for said mule. The next morning, at- 
taching the beast to a plow, I started out. As I had 
lived on a farm in the North when a boy, I thought 
I knew something about farming. But I might just 
as well have been a "London cockney" as far as my 
previous experience benefited me at this time. I had 
just made a kind of a start when Mr. Williams came 
along and stopped me. After talking the matter over, 
we agreed that we had better change work. He came 
over with five outfits and helped me a few days, and 
then I went over to his place and helped him. This 
meant that I was away from home most of the time. 
I got up at four in the morning, rustled a cold bite 
for myself and then walked two and a half miles to 
Mr. Williams', started plowing as soon as I got there, 
and kept at it till noon. I would have my dinner 
there, but in the afternoon, after working until about 
seven, I went home for supper. I used to be so tired 
that half of the time I didn't feel like eating anything. 
The land we were plowing had only been cleared 
of trees three years before, and was literally covered 



20 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

with stumps. Anyone who has ever plowed among 
stumps will know something about the "strenuous 
life" that I was putting in. If it was hard on me, 
it was that much harder on Jessie. She was so su- 
premely unselfish that it nearly annihilated her for 
me to be working like a dog and she not able to help 
in any way. She wasn't much like a few women 
whom I have known. Thank goodness, I have only 
known a few who would let a man work himself to 
death for them and then blame him afterwards for 
not carrying more insurance. She, of course, blamed 
herself for getting me to come to such a God-forsaken 
country. If we had been together all the time it 
wouldn't have been so bad, but she had the whole 
day to herself, not much to do but think, and she 
got so blue that the next thing would be that she 
would be down sick. When I finally showed her that 
she was only making it harder for me, that as long as 
we had each other we were rich. I could also work 
twice as hard and take pleasure in it if I could carry 
the thought with me that when I finished my day's 
work she would meet me with smiles and kisses. If 
all married women only realized this, how much more 
happiness this old world would contain. My dear 
madam, whoever you may be, try it sometime. When 
your husband comes home at night, instead of telling 



THO UGH MARRIED 21 

about all the mean things the neighbors have done 
or the hard time you have had trying to catch up 
with your work, meet him with a smile, your best com- 
pany smile and manner, have a good supper ready. 
There is nothing goes farther with the ordinary man. 
Show in as many ways as only a woman can when 
she wants to, how much you think of him, how you 
appreciate all his goodness, etc., etc., and you will be 
surprised to see how much good it will do both of 
you. 



22 HOW TO BE HAPPY 



CHAPTER II 

But I am wandering from my subject. I continued 
to work right along until the land was all plowed and 
the cotton planted. As the majority who may read 
this will, in all probability, never have seen a cotton 
field, I shall drop my story for awhile in order to give 
some information regarding this king of plants. In 
the first place the land is plowed in what I would call 
narrow lands. That is, there is a furrow about every 
six feet. After plowing, if there are not many stumps, 
a harrow about six feet wide is run over the plowed 
ground. A shallow furrow is then made in the cen- 
ter of each land, in which the seed is planted. The 
seeds are about the size of a Lima bean and have a 
very thin shell which is covered with cotton. A week 
after the seed is planted, as a general rule, a three 
or four leaved plant will have appeared. It is then 
"barred ofif," and this is certainly a scientific opera- 
tion. A plow is run on each side of the row of plants, 
throwing the dirt from them, just leaving a narrow 
strip about six inches wide. Then it has to be "hoed 
to a stand." Which means chopping out most of the 



THOUGH MARRIED 23 

plants and leaving one about every two feet. After 
this is finished the next operation is "plowing to," 
which means throwing the dirt back towards the plants 
without covering them up. It is then hoed again. 
From that on until the first of August it is a con- 
tinual repetition of plowing and hoeing. It is then 
"laid by." That is, it is finally left to shift for itself. 
About the first of September the picking season starts. 
It is generally the 15th of November before it is all 
harvested. When picked it is taken to the gins, where 
the seed is separated from the cotton and the latter 
is put in bales, which are made small and compact by 
hydraulic pressure. It is then ready for shipment. 
About the time we got through planting, our groceries 
began to get low, and as I didn't have very much 
ready money and it would be a long time before I 
could obtain any more, I concluded to go to town and 
see about getting supplies on credit. I made connec- 
tions all right, but had to agree that my wife and I 
would sign what was known in that country as a 
"deed and trust." Which is like what in this country 
would be called a chattel mortgage. The next day 
we signed the instrument, which was formidable 
enough. In it we practically pawned our crop, also the 
interest we had in the cow and calf. 

As I was just about played out when the planting 



24 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

was finished and had paid back Mr. Williams for the 
work done for me, I was resting up a few days, be- 
fore starting on the "barring off" job, when one 
morning who should come along but Mr. Williams, 
accompanied by his wife, and right there was when 
he started to show the cloven hoof. He first asked me 
why I hadn't been over helping him. I told him that 
I considered that I had earned a few days' rest, and 
as I had paid him back, with a couple of days to 
spare, I didn't think it was necessary to go over. I 
also told him I intended to do the rest of my work 
without his help, as I was tired of tramping back and 
forth (it was two and a half miles between the places), 
and I wanted to be at home as much as possible. On 
my telling him this he flew into a rage and the same 
as told me that he owned my wife and me body and 
soul. He had heard about my going to the merchant 
and getting credit, and as he would have liked to have 
furnished what I needed himself and gotten more of 
a rake-off than even the merchant would, naturally 
he was somewhat put out about it. He told me that 
I had no business to go to the merchant without con- 
sulting him first; that if, for any reason, the crop 
didn't turn out all right the merchant could come on 
him for what I owed, and that if I didn't work for 
him just when he wanted me to and do just what he 



THOUGH MARRIED 25 

wanted me to do, he would make it a point to see 
that I didn't get any supplies at all. As I was in 
a strange country, where it would have been as hard 
to obtain money as on a desert island, I had to make 
the best of a bad bargain for the time being anyway 
and agree to Mr. Williams' proposition. 

About this time we heard that a brother of Jessie's, 
whom she thought was dead, was living, only about 
one hundred miles from us. In fact, he came to see 
this man Williams, whom he had known a few years 
before. He also came to see us, and certainly re- 
ceived a royal welcome, Jessie not being able to do 
enough for him. As for myself, I felt a repugnance 
for him from the first, although I didn't tell Jessie 
about it. To me he acted like, and had the appear- 
ance of a low-down scoundrel, and if he hadn't been 
my brother-in-law I wouldn't have trusted him under 
any circumstances. 

Jessie told him all about how Mr. Williams was 
using us, and after hearing all the circumstances of 
the case advised us to just get up and leave the place, 
crop and all, and then went on to tell us what a low- 
down scoundrel and villain Mr. Williams was. How 
he would leave our gates open and drive cattle in on 
the crop and that he would bother us in a hundred 
different ways, in order to get us off the place. He 



26 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

also told us that he was working about thirty acres 
of cotton, which was a good-sized tract of land in that 
country, and if we came over to him he would give 
me a chance on some of his land. As I have before 
stated, I didn't like his looks, but I never imagined 
there was a man living, and especially my brother-in- 
law, who could be such a miserable, low-down scoun- 
drel as this man proved to be. He intended going 
home in a few days, and if we didn't get our difficulties 
adjusted shortly, advised us to strike for his place. 

About a week after this, on coming home from 
work one night, I found Jessie in a hysterical con- 
dition. After a time I managed to get her quieted 
down, and in the end finally found out the trouble. 
Mr. Williams had been there that day and had made 
an indecent proposal to her. 

When I Jieard this, naturally, I was furious and 
wanted to go right after the scoundrel, but Jessie 
wouldn't hear to this, being sure that he would shoot 
or kill me in some manner. All she wanted to do was 
to get away somewhere. Right here I have no doubt 
some of my readers will exclaim-, "Wasn't there any 
law in the land?" My dear reader, of course there 
were laws, just the same as there are laws in this 
grand and glorious state, but how many good re- 
fined ladies of the City of Chicago, if they were in- 



THOUGH MARRIED 27 

suited by some miserable brute, would care to go into 
one of the city's police courts and prosecute him. As 
Jessie just wouldn't stay there any longer, the next 
morning we got ready and went to the people whom 
we had stayed with on our arrival in the country. 
But before leaving I took the cow and calf over to a 
neighbor's, who was a lone widow woman, and left 
same in her care, charging her not to give them up to 
anyone. She promised to look after them until we re- 
turned. On arriving at our friends' place and talk- 
ing over matters, we agreed that the best plan was 
for me to go to Jessie's brother's place and find out 
if it would be all right to move. If so we could sell 
our belongings for what they would bring and move 
over. But my wife wouldn't hear to this. Her nerves 
had gone to pieces, and she was sure that if she let me 
go alone she would never set eyes on me again. That 
I would be murdered or something would surely hap- 
pen to me. She just couldn't stand it for me to leave 
her at all. I had about money enough left to take us 
to the town nearest to her brother's ranch. 

The next afternoon the man of the house, whom we 
will call "Reuben Jones," which by the way, was his 
proper name, borrowed a team and wagon of his land- 
lord, loaded up some small pigs, which he purposed 
selling, Jessie and I got aboard, and after traveling 



28 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

all day, we camped that night on the outskirts of a 
large town, being twenty-five miles nearer our desti- 
nation. We camped there over night and next morn- 
ing, after an early campfire breakfast, bidding our 
kind friend good-by, we went into the city and down 
to the river, which was the great Mississippi, crossed 
on a ferry, went to the railroad station and took the 
train for our new home. 

We reached our destination about n o'clock and 
found that it was about two miles to our brother's. 
So we started out and walked ; on arriving we found 
out that the dearly beloved brother was married and 
both he and his wife lived with her folks. We were 
also told that the brother, whose name was Paul, was 
back in the woods somewhere doing some work, and 
it wasn't certain if he would be back before night. 
I must say that it took some courage on my part to 
keep from going to pieces entirely, more so as I 
could see that Jessie was about ready to break down. 
She was so very affectionate herself, and when she 
saw how brutally her brother had deceived us it just 
about broke her heart. 

Dear reader, if you are of a tender, affectionate dis- 
position and have ever been tricked and deceived by 
a relative, one whom you would have done anything 
for, you will appreciate how Jessie and I felt, as we 



THOUGH MARRIED 29 

had both the same characteristics in this regard. It 
wouldn't make you very angry, you would just have a 
desperately hurt feeling. As last Jessie says : "Honey, 
let us go." I may say that we had bestowed this ap- 
pellation on each other shortly after coming South, 
and although in speaking to or about me she some- 
times used my proper name, I never afterwards called 
her by any other name. In speaking of her to others, 
I said "My wife." This, to a great many, will ap- 
pear very soft, but I have no doubt some of my read- 
ers know what true love is and to them it will seem 
all right. 

I told Jessie to stay in the house a while, and that 
I would go back in the bush and see if I could find 
her brother, as I didn't want to leave before seeing 
him and getting an explanation and finding out what 
he meant by deceiving us as he had. Jessie agreed to 
wait and I started out to hunt him up. After about 
an hour's search I gave up and came back to the 
house. When I got back Paul and his father-in-law 
had just come from another direction. While I was 
some distance away Paul sneaked out of sight and 
left the father-in-law to do the honors. In a few 
words he told me what a worthless character Paul 
was. That he didn't have a dollar to his name, that 
he had shamelessly lied to us, not having any interest 



30 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

in a foot of land. I went into the house and told 
Jessie what I had found out, and after listening to 
my tale she wanted to leave the place at once. The 
women folks asked us to stay for dinner, but Jessie, 
declaring that food eaten in that house would choke 
her, insisted on leaving at once. 

We went back to the railroad track, which was about 
half a mile, and then sat down to talk over our present 
condition, which was certainly desperate enough. We 
had $1.25 on hand, which would carry one of us by 
rail about 40 miles of the 100 which lay between 
us and the only home we had. If I had been alone 
it wouldn't have bothered me very much, but there 
was poor Jessie, almost in a state of collapse, sick, 
both in mind and body. What was I to do for her ? I 
said that I thought that the best thing to do would 
be to walk down the track until we came to a large 
plantation and go to the house and see if food and 
shelter could be obtained until the next morning and 
I might be able to get work enough to earn the price 
of our return fare. 

After tramping about a mile a good sized house 
was sighted, and on going to it the man of the place 
was found at home. I proceeded to tell him part of 
our story, and when I had concluded he invited us 
into the house, and, calling his wife, asked her to 



THOUGH MARRIED 3* 

get us something to eat. When I asked him about em- 
ployment he said that he had nothing for me to do. 
The lady of the house treated Jessie very coldly, 
scarcely condescending to address her at all. Isn't it 
wonderful how full of the milk of human kindness 
a large number of people are ? Supposedly good peo- 
ple, mind you, Christians and church members. How 
many people there are who will shed great quantities 
of tears and contribute money after listening to a 
story of the famine-stricken people of India, and 
would not turn over their hands to help the needy 
who are all around them, and would turn a daughter, 
their own flesh and blood, out of doors if she loved 
some miserable cur of a man to her hurt. 

Well, we ate our dinner, thanked the man and his 
wife and took our departure. When out of sight of 
the house Jessie just threw herself on the ground and 
burst into tears. I let her have her cry out. Indeed 
it was all I could do to keep from joining her. She 
kept saying over and over to herself: "Oh, that horrid 
woman." "She made me feel that she thought I was 
worse than a nigger." 

Finally, after considerable kissing, petting and baby- 
ing of her, I got her calmed down a little. I then 
told her what we each of us had occasion many times 
in the future to tell the other. As long as we loved 



32 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

and had confidence in each other we were an army 
and could defy the world, and how much happier any 
married couple would be if they would always keep this 
in mind. 

At last, as we were both young, we began to find 
a bright side to the picture and could see where our 
present plight could be worse. We couldn't freeze 
and were not likely to starve and could walk the whole 
hundred miles if it was necessary. So we pulled our- 
selves together and plodded on. I had a railroad time 
table, and in looking over it discovered that there was 
a town about midway of the eighty miles, which com- 
pleted the first stage of the journey. Jessie was sure 
she could walk this forty miles and then she could 
get a ticket with the money we had on hand for the 
remaining forty. It was about 4 o'clock at this time 
and we were about five miles on our way. As we had 
eaten a good dinner and rested up a little we were 
in fair condition for a tramp, and by dark had trav- 
eled about twelve miles. As I had a horror of going 
to any more houses, and as Jessie kept remarking that 
she wasn't hungry, we didn't get any supper. 

At last when it was quite dark, as we were approach- 
ing a small stream, I espied what appeared to be a 
deserted cabin. On rapping on the door and receiving 
no answer, I went in, discovering as I had surmised 



THOUGH MARRIED 33 

that it was uninhabited. We concluded, as it had a 
roof and floor, that we had better camp there for the 
night. As there was no bed of any kind we had to 
sleep on the floor. Finding some old papers, we spread 
these on the floor, and, using our coats for pillows, our 
bed was made. After lying down, as we were very 
tired, hard as the bed was, we were soon fast asleep. 
I woke up about 4 o'clock, shivering with the cold. 
As Jessie was still asleep, I covered her with my coat 
and went outside, making as little noise as possible. 
After running around the house a few times my blood 
began to circulate a little better and I was soon nice 
and warm. At six, awakening Jessie, we performed our 
abolutions at the stream, using handkerchiefs for 
towels. 

We then started tramping once more. I insisted 
that we would have to stop some place and procure 
something to eat and at last Jessie agreed that we 
would stop at some negro cabin. 

Any of my readers who may have lived in the 
South or come in contact with southern people and 
know how strict the line is drawn between white and 
black will appreciate what a concession this was on 
Jessie's part, but the pangs of hunger have a ten- 
dency to weaken pride. Finally, after jogging along 
for a time, we came to what looked like the cabin of 
fairly prosperous people. 
3 



34 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

Going to the door I was fortunate in finding the 
man of the house at home and it didn't take me long 
to make him acquainted with our plight. After ex- 
pressing sorrow for our plight he invited us in, say- 
ing that we were welcome to what they had, such as 
it was, and we certainly never tasted anything better 
than the corn bread, molasses and coffee with which 
we were served. After resting a short time we thanked 
the good people and started on afresh. 

Isn't it wonderful the difference there is in your 
perspective when you were at the point of starvation 
and have just finished a bountiful repast. We both felt 
as if we could conquer the world. It is very hard to 
make youth look on the dark side for any length of 
time. 

About i o'clock we came to a good sized town, sit- 
uated on a large river, and found out that they were 
having a celebration. A couple of hundred negroes 
had chartered a steamer and had come down the river 
bent on having a good time. The most of them were 
in some big sheds near the railroad station, some eat- 
ing and drinking, others dancing, and still others just 
moving around looking for trouble. 

We had barely passed the sheds before a fight had 
started. We were first apprised of this by hearing the 
report of a gun, and this was the beginning of a reg- 



THOUGH MARRIED 35 

ular fusilade. Taking Jessie by the arm, I hustled for 
the station as hard as I could travel, which we reached 
without mishap, although I had to carry Jessie part 
of the way, as the excitement was too much for her, 
and she had fainted. In a few minutes the fight 
was over. One negro had been badly wounded and 
several others had been scratched up a little. After 
Jessie had recovered from her fainting spell we rested 
up awhile and then trudged on. 

As we were starting I told Jessie that as soon as 
we were a mile or so from the town I would go to 
another negro cabin and see if I couldn't get some- 
thing for the inner man. About a mile out of town 
we came opposite a fair sized cabin, which I ap- 
proached. An old mammy came to the door and on 
my telling my little story she invited us in, and in a 
short time a meal fit for an epicure was dished up. 
The piece de resistance was a kind of soup made from 
green beans in the pod, and flanking this were bis- 
cuits, and — just think of it ! — butter, real cow's butter. 
Also coffee with milk in it. When we had finished 
this plenteous repast we felt like "bloated plutocrats." 
After resting a short time I gave the word to "for- 
ward march," and after kindly thanking the old 
mammy and taking her name for future reference we 
toddled on. 



36 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

And it wasn't much more than a toddle as far as 
Jessie was concerned, as her shoes, being very thin 
soled, had blistered her feet, and it took all the courage 
I could muster to keep her spirits up so that she 
wouldn't break down entirely. The walk itself was 
nothing to me, as I have walked over forty miles in 
a day at least a dozen times. But it was certainly 
a terrible task for a poor, weak woman. When we 
started in the morning there were twenty-three miles 
ahead of us, and Jessie had said she would walk that 
by night or "bust." Well, she made it all right, but 
almost at the expense of the last particle of strength 
she had. I almost the same as carried her the last 
few miles. Any of you who have loved ones who 
have been suffering and all you have been able to 
do was to stand dumbly by and see them suffer will 
appreciate how I felt at this time. 



THO UGH MARRIED 37 



CHAPTER III 

About 8 o'clock we landed at our destination, which 
was nothing but a flag station, and a bare half 
dozen houses comprised the village. Without con- 
sulting Jessie I had determined that she, at least, 
would sleep in a bed if I had to take forcible pos- 
session of one. Her suffering condition made me des- 
perate and I had no pride or any other kind of scru- 
ples left, nothing but compassion for her. Leaving 
Jessie in the small station, I struck out and, marching 
up to the first house I came to, knocked for admit- 
tance, and, the lady of the house coming to the door, 
I poured my tale of woe into her sympathetic ears. 
There were tears in her eyes, as well as in mine, when 
I had finished. She sent me right after Jessie, and 
while I was gone got a foot-bath ready, also liniment, 
poultices, etc., and when I presented Jessie took her 
into her motherly arms and crooned over her the same 
as if she were a baby. After bathing and doctoring 
Jessie's feet, she fitted her with a pair of easy slip- 
pers. We then sat down to the finest meal we had 
all the time we were in the country. That is, it seemed 



38 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

the best to us, anyway. The lady of the house was a 
widow with two daughters, who were still in their 
teens. The widow owned a small plantation, from 
which a fair living was eked out for them all, but 
with very little to spare. She almost insisted on giv- 
ing me a small sum of money, saying that I could, at 
least, take enough to carry us to the end of our rail- 
road journey, and if I wouldn't accept it as a gift I 
could return it when times got better with me. But 
I wouldn't accept the money, as, although I didn't 
tell Jessie, to me it looked as if times would never im- 
prove. I almost made up my mind that I was a fail- 
ure, and if I could have taken a look into the future 
I would have been sure of it. Thank God that we are 
unable to see what is ahead of us, as if we could, I 
am afraid some of us would give up the ghost before 
our time. After a good night's rest in a comfortable 
bed and a splendid breakfast in the morning, I struck 
out to put forty miles behind me before night. It was 
agreed between us that Jessie would board the train, 
which was due at 4 p. m., and on its arrival at the 
terminal station she would go inside and if I was not 
already there wait until I turned up. There was an 
affecting parting between us, almost the same as if I 
was going to the ends of the earth. She could hardly 
let me go, as there had been so many things happen- 



THOUGH MARRIED 39 

ing that she was sure that we would never meet again 
in this world. I comforted her the best I knew how, 
and after thanking the folks again and again for their 
kindness and being loaded down with a good, sub- 
stantial lunch, I hit the trail once more. Nothing of 
consequence happened that day, and, being, as before 
mentioned, a splendid pedestrian, I pulled into our 
meeting place about 7 :3c Without paying any atten- 
tion to the people standing around, on catching sight 
of me, Jessie rushed forward and, throwing herself 
into my arms, for all of ten minutes laughed and 
cried, petted and babied me until we were both nearly 
played out. I have no doubt there are plenty of mar- 
ried people who will not be able to see how any sane 
folks could be as foolish as we were. But let one of 
those same couples be parted for a time and let one 
of them hear that the other has been badly hurt and 
find out that it was a mistake. If, when they meet 
again, they don't act a little foolish, all I can say is that 
I wouldn't care to be either of them. After helping 
Jessie demolish a lunch that the good people had pro- 
vided for her, we went to the river and crossed on a 
ferry boat. 

Mrs. Jones had an old maid sister living in the 
town whom we expected to stay with over night. Hunt- 
ing up the place where she lived, the door was found 



4Q HOW TO BE HAPPY 

to be locked, and on making inquiries of a neighbor 
we received the pleasing information that she had 
gone to the country. We were certainly up against 
it again in good shape. There we were in a strange 
town without money, and night setting in. Our con- 
dition not being pitiable enough, it began to rain. I 
wanted to ask for shelter at one of the houses, but 
Jessie would not hear to that, so we started to walk 
out of the city. The rain kept coming down and 
we were both soon wet through. It was also getting 
darker every minute and the mud more sticky. When 
we were about a mile outside the city limits Jessie 
sank down exhausted, declaring she could go no far- 
ther, and that she just wanted to die and be through 
with her troubles. It was up to me to baby her and 
tell her over and over how I couldn't possibly spare 
her yet. I finally managed to get her onto her feet 
and by supporting and half carrying her managed to 
get along a little farther, when we came to a house. 
The inmates were in bed, but after rapping loudly a 
couple of minutes an old negro appeared at the door. 
I told him about how we were situated and he after- 
wards invited us in. The old mammy got up and fixed 
us a bed. We were also provided with some dry 
clothes, a fire was made and our wet ones were hung 
up to dry. The next morning, on awakening, we both 



THOUGH MARRIED 41 

felt as if every bone in our bodies were broken. At 
last we managed to arise and get into our clothes, 
which, thanks to the kindness of our hosts, were now 
perfectly dry. After breakfast we took leave of our 
"good Samaritans/' promising not to forget them when 
our ship came in. The last stage of our journey, about 
eighteen miles, was ahead of us, but that seemed a 
mere bagatelle when we thought what we had al- 
ready endured. But I must hasten on. I shall just 
say that we stopped at another cabin and had some 
dinner, and that we reached our friends' place in time 
for supper. Jessie and Mrs. Jones were soon locked in 
each other's arms. When they heard our story and 
thought of the desperate time we had, words con- 
temptible enough could not be found to express their 
opinion of our dear brother. The next morning we 
started out to see how our belongings were. On 
our arrival we found that some one had taken pos- 
session of every piece of house gear that we had. On 
going to the widow's, with whom we had left the cow 
and calf, we were told that Mr. Williams, accompanied 
by a constable, had appeared the very day we started 
for the brother's and taken the cow and calf, also the 
household truck, and had left a notice with her to 
give us, provided we returned in time, to appear be- 
fore a certain justice of the peace on the following 



42 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

Thursday. We had thought ourselves in hard luck 
before, but we then saw how bad could be made worse. 
Jessie just wanted to let everything go and return to 
the city on the Mississippi, which we will call Nestor, 
and go to work in the cotton mills, but I wouldn't hear 
to this, as I knew what miserable drudgery it was, and 
I figured we should sink or swim together if possible. 
We then went back to our friends, the Jones, and 
after a family consultation it was finally agreed that 
we would stay with them until the trial came off, and 
then, which ever way it went, money or not, I would 
make the best of my way north to Minnesota, where 
I had lived as a boy, and as there was a prospect for a 
splendid crop and good wages would be paid, I could 
soon earn enough to send for her. At last the day of 
trial dawned, and, accompanied by Jessie, Mr. Jones 
and his wife, I went to the slaughter. Right here I 
had better tell something about the inhabitants of that 
particular corner of the globe. In the first place, as I 
have before stated, the majority were very poor and 
as ignorant as it is possible for human beings to be. 
They all looked on me as an outsider, and, though 
there were a few who would not have cast a stone 
in my way, still there were none who would raise a 
hand to stop anyone else from doing so. The men, 
without one exception, "packed a gun" of some de- 



THOUGH MARRIED 43 

scription, and used it on the least provocation. There 
was never a picnic or public celebration of any kind 
but what more or less were injured by knife or gun. 
Mr. Williams claimed that he heard I was going to 
leave the state and take my possessions with me and 
he had seized my belongings in order to secure him- 
self. The merchant had put in a bill for nine dollars, 
four for groceries and five for having "deed and trust 
papers" drawn up. I had worked and toiled for six 
long weeks, which Williams got the benefit of. He 
also had the $15 I had paid on account for the cow. 
The case, of course, went against me. "I was a 
stranger and they took me in." After the trial was 
ended Mr. Williams started quarreling with me and 
before I had any notion of his intention struck me in 
the face, knocking me down. As I was getting to my 
feet he drew a gun and if Jessie hadn't jumped in be- 
tween us in all probability would have shot me there 
and then. Between them Jessie and Mr. Jones got me 
home and to bed, for I was completely used up. The 
next morning I was too sick to get up. All the worry 
and trouble had finally got the best of me. I was in 
bed three weeks with a kind of malarial fever. This 
was when Jessie showed what kind of stuff she was 
made of. As long as I was strong and able she would 
give up very easily, but when I was down she was as 



44 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

brave as a lion and as strong as a horse. She was 
my inseparable nurse, grudging herself the few hours 
of sleep each day which Mrs. Jones almost compelled 
her to take. Words fail me to describe the wealth 
of love and affection that was showered on me during 
my illness. I am sure that her intense love was the 
only thing that kept me from drifting away at that 
time. At last I was able to sit up and at the end of 
five weeks I could get around all right, although very 
weak. On two occasions while away to the spring for 
water (the spring was about forty rods from the 
house), Jessie was sure she had seen the man Wil- 
liams in hiding. Immediately behind the house there 
was a thick woods, and one day as I was taking a 
constitutional, not being more than twenty rods from 
the cabin, I felt something whizz by close to my head 
and immediately afterward there was the report of 
a gun. I ran toward the smoke, but could see noth- 
ing of my assailant. Jessie was in a terrible way. She 
heard the report of the gun and came running out of 
the house expecting to find my dead body. When she 
found out that I was uninjured the reaction from ter- 
ror to joy was too much, and she fainted away. For 
the rest of the day she lay in my arms like a big baby. 
After that, while I was there, she would hardly allow 
me away from the house unless she was along. She 



THO UGH MARRIED 45 

said that if I was killed she wanted to die at the same 
time, and I am sure she meant it, too. Finally, al- 
though very weak, I was well enough to make a move, 
and so one day I took my wedding suit and a good 
overcoat, and, accompanied by Jessie as a bodyguard, 
went to town to see if I could raise some money on 
the clothes. I finally put them up for ten dollars, and 
the next morning I started out. 

At this point I may say that I had been "up 
against it" before and had learned how to ride on 
freight trains, "blind baggages/' etc. I gave Jessie 
five dollars and kept the other five dollars to carry 
me over 1,500 miles. The next morning when it 
came time for me to make a break it didn't seem as if 
Jessie could let me go. We had gone through so 
much together that it didn't seem as if any two people 
alive could be as much to each other as we were. 
When I think of the terrible suffering we both experi- 
enced at this time, and think of the thousands of 
couples that, to an outsider at least, don't seem to 
care a pin for each other, I fully realize what a beau- 
tiful thing true love is. But as everything must end 
some time, I at last got away. I intended to walk 
about eighteen miles to a good sized town, where 
there was a junction of two railroads. There were 
two reasons for this. Firstly, I did not care to be 



46 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

seen jumping a train in the nearby town where I was 
known. Secondly, the place where I was going being 
a division town, I had a better chance to make a start. 
Those eighteen miles seemed longer than any other 
miles I had ever walked. If there had been some one 
with me it wouldn't have been so bad, but having no 
one to talk to, and having plenty of time for thought, 
everything Jessie and I had been through seemed 
to be whizzing through my mind, like a moving pic- 
ture. I thought of the agonized look that was on 
her face when I left. I imagined a hundred horrible 
things that might happen to her. This kept up until 
I just thought my poor head would go to pieces. I 
tried to think of something more cheerful, but it was 
impossible. Finally, more dead than alive, I reached 
the town. After eating a lunch, which I had along, 
I made some inquiries regarding the departure of 
trains, and found out that there was nothing due to 
leave before 7 p. m. As it was then only 3 p. m. I 
had four long hours to wait. I wandered all over 
the town, hither and thither, trying to get away from 
my thoughts, but it was impossible to do so At last 
I drifted out into the country, following along the 
river until coming to what seemed a secluded spot I 
concluded to have a swim. When I had finished, after 
dressing, I looked at an old watch I was carrying and 



THO UGH MARRIED 47 

found that it was 6 o'clock. As I was sitting on the 
bank something seemed to knock on the door of my 
brain, and tell me that Jessie was being abducted, with 
that something seemed to burst in my head and I knew 
no more for three days. About 10 o'clock that night 
I burst in to Mr. Jones, sobbing and crying, and say- 
ing over and over : "I won't let them take little Honey." 
The folks finally got me quieted down and put to bed. 
The next morning, on awakening, I was just the same 
as a child, not appearing to be conscious of anything. 
I was in this condition for three days. At the end of 
that time I suddenly recovered. I then told them 
what had happened to me, and of course Jessie blamed 
herself for not putting on a braver front when I was 
leaving. After another couple of days' rest I made 
another start, and this time my little soldier was as 
brave as a lion. There was a smile on her face as 
she patted me on the arm and told me to keep think- 
ing how fine it would be when I got a start in the 
North and could send for her. This time I got away 
all right and that night I was snugly ensconced in a 
box car on my way north. The second morning 
afterwards I landed in Memphis, Tenn. The follow- 
ing night I caught another freight, landing in Pa- 
ducah, Kentucky the next afternoon. At this time 
the police of this place were arresting every "hobo/* 



48 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

as they called them, whom they caught in the town. 
My fear of being arrested was my only trouble. In 
fact, I was in constant dread of this, as men were 
farmed out in that country and might be kept for six 
months before they could get away. I stayed around 
the station for a couple of hours until I noticed that 
a caboose and engine had been attached to a string 
of cars, and then concluded that it was time for me 
to hunt up an empty and get inside, the which I pro- 
ceeded to do. A few minutes afterward two negroes 
got in the car with me. Shortly after this the engine 
began shunting some of the cars back and forth, ours 
among them. On the road every one is equal. There 
is no higher aristocracy. So I struck up a conversa- 
tion with the two negroes and they gave me the pleas- 
ing information that over thirty men had been ar- 
rested earlier in the day. My hair began to feel very 
stiff, chills ran up and down my back and I was in 
a bad way "for sure," as a darky would say. At last 
one of the men, who was looking out of the side 
door, suddenly shouted: "Look out for the 'bull' 
(policeman) ; he is only a couple of car lengths away." 
And with that he was out of the car and away. I was 
a mighty close second, and as I struck the ground I 
heard the click of a gun and a voice crying for us 
to halt, but I had other business to attend to, and I 



THO UGH MARRIED 49 

am sure you could have played checkers on the tail of 
my coat, I was going so fast. I heard three shots, 
but as none of them took effect in any part of my 
anatomy I kept right on for "the tall timber." I never 
stopped or looked behind until I had ran a mile at the 
very least. I only stopped then because I was sure 
my heart and lungs would jump out if I didn't. On 
looking around there was no one pursuing. On re- 
covering my wind I started back, intending to get 
in close enough to the town to be able to catch my 
train, as it came out. In about a half hour I heard 
the pleasant sound "two whistles," which means we're 
off, and the train began to move towards me. I in- 
tended to try to do what I had often done before, 
viz : "swing under." As most of my readers will have 
never had the misfortune to be compelled to ride in 
this manner, I will explain. A person stands close 
to the track and as the train comes abreast watches 
closely for a car that is well supplied with rods un- 
derneath. As the side door comes opposite he catches 
hold of the grab iron which is on the bottom of the 
door and allows himself to be jerked under, upon the 
rods. He then makes himself as comfortable as pos- 
sible, and his journey hath begun. 

This is what I did, only I didn't. On the approach 
of the train I saw that it was down grade the way they 



50 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

were traveling and that they were going all of fifteen 
miles an hour. The cars were passing by so fast that 
I couldn't tell whether they had any rods or not, but 
at last I said, "Now or never," and, catching a door 
iron, under I went. As it happened, there was only 
one rod on the side, and, going right over this, my 
heels struck the ties, and for about half a minute (it 
seemed an hour) I thought my arms would be pulled 
out by the roots, but I held on, got my legs up and 
wrapped them around the rod. I then secured a 
hand hold, and there I hung, directly over the rail. I 
had to stay in that position until we had covered about 
ten miles. I died at least a hundred different kinds 
of deaths in that time. It didn't take me very long 
to change cars when we stopped. I got into an empty 
car and rode through to Cairo Jet., 111. Up to this time 
the brakemen were negroes and never molested me. 
But from Cairo Junction through to Chicago the 
brakemen were whites and a fellow had to do some 
tall scheming in order to get over the road. It 
was a longer trip for me going by Chicago, but I fig- 
ured on being able to ship out of there. I made fairly 
good time, met with no great adventures to speak of, 
and one afternoon I landed in a good sized town about 
150 miles out of Chicago. I can not remember the 
name of the place. There was a great Elks' celebra- 



THO UGH MARRIED 5 1 

tion on, and the town was decked out in "gala array." 
Having found that there were no trains due to leave 
before midnight, I wandered around the town, taking 
in the sights. Late that night I was standing near 
the station when a freight train pulled in, headed for 
Chicago. On investigating I found that the cars were 
all loaded with what I first took for pig iron. The 
side doors were all open and slats were nailed on to 
keep the load from slipping out. After a few minutes' 
stop the train started again, and as it did so I clam- 
bered into one of the cars. I then found that the pig 
iron was bananas. I also noticed that the cars were 
refrigerators. The doors had been opened for ven- 
tilation purposes. I didn't feel very pleasant when 
I found out what the car was loaded with, as I knew 
that there would be an eruption of some kind if any 
one found me. Fruit of any kind is generally rushed 
through as fast as possible, and I comforted myself 
with the thought that I would be pretty well along 
towards Chicago before morning, but I was sadly 
mistaken on this, as, for some reason or another, they 
were continually stopping. No one had come near 
my car, but at about 7 a. m., as we were side-tracked, 
I heard a door bang, then another and then one of 
the doors of my car was closed. As I didn't intend 
to be locked in, I peeked out of the door still open 



52 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

and saw a man coming along closing doors on that 
side, too, but before he got to my hiding place the 
train started and that gave me a new lease of life. But 
I knew it behooved me to be ready to jump out at 
the next stop. We hadn't traveled any distance be- 
fore the train stopped again, and almost before I 
knew it a man was closing the remaining door of my 
car. I was out in an instant, and if you ever saw an 
astonished "Dago" (Italian), it was he. It was a min- 
ute or so before he could do anything but stutter, but 
when at last he got control of his tongue he let loose a 
string of profanity that almost bowled me over. Glanc- 
ing around, I saw a policeman coming towards us, and 
thought it was time for me to vanish, and as there were 
several tracks filled with cars, I had no difficulty in 
making my escape. 



THO UGH MARRIED 53 



CHAPTER IV 

After getting something to eat I went back to the 
yards, and after waiting for a couple of hours caught 
another train and soon landed on the outskirts of 
Chicago. I then boarded a street car and entered the 
city in style. I stayed there over night and the next 
morning, on the payment of $1.50, shipped out about 
325 miles, or within 100 miles of Minneapolis. Got to 
the end of the first stage that night and landed in 
Minneapolis the next day per freight and street car. 
The next morning I finished my long trip. I shall 
call the name of the town Kinrest. I had traveled 
about 1,600 miles, been about seven days on the road 
and still had $1 of my original $5. I had written to 
Jessie from Memphis, Chicago and Minneapolis. The 
first thing I did on finishing my journey was to write 
Jessie a long letter, giving her a lengthy description 
of my adventures. It was the 8th of August by this 
time and the farmers had just started harvesting. The 
next day I started work, shocking up grain. At the 
end of the fourth day I was just about done for. When 
you think of my weak condition on leaving the South 



54 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

and the hard trip I had just finished, you can be sure 
that I was in very poor shape to start in at the hardest 
kind of work. The first four nights I obtained hardly 
any sleep, as I was burning up one minute and freez- 
ing the next, but Sunday came at last, and, as I had 
wonderful recuperative powers, I gradually came 
around all right. I worked in the harvest field until 
the 28th of the month, and then started in on a thresh- 
ing outfit. For the benefit of my readers who may 
never have seen a threshing rig in operation, I will 
give a short description of the one I was with. There 
were an engineer, fireman, separator man and oiler. 
Ten teams hauled the shocks from the field to the 
machine, and there were two men with each team. 
A man with a team and two tank wagons hauled water 
for the engines; another hauled straw for fuel. This 
made up the field force. Along with each outfit there 
was a cook car and either a sleeping car or tent. We 
had a splendid cook, were well fed and also well 
worked. I was driving one of the bundle-hauling 
wagons. At the first, while the days were long, I had 
to be up by 3 130 to feed my horses. We had break- 
fast over by 4:30 and were out in the field working 
by 5 o'clock, and there we would stay until 8 any- 
way, unless it rained. At 12 noon the whistle would 
blow and each teamster would unhitch and tie his 



THO UGH MARRIED 55 

team behind the wagon and feed them oats which 
he had put in his wagon in the morning. If the 
cook car was not more than a mile from the 
machine a couple of men with empty rigs would rush 
the crew to dinner, and as soon as they had eaten rush 
them back. On the other hand, if the car was too far 
away, the straw team would go in and bring out the 
dinner. We got no lunch between meals, but after 
breakfast all the men could help themselves to anything 
they wanted and carry it with them. Most of them 
availed themselves of this privilege. Anyway, if a 
man went hungry it was his own fault. When I had 
been working about a week I received a letter from 
my wife containing the pleasant news that one even- 
ing, while at the spring for water, the man Williams 
appeared, and that if I didn't send money so that she 
could come to me she would start out and walk. This 
was another piece of good luck for me, as I intended 
leaving Jessie there until spring, sending her some 
money from time to time. I expected to thresh as 
long as I could and purposed going to the lumber 
woods for the winter. There was no alternative, so 
I borrowed enough of the thresher to make, with 
what I had, $60, and sent this to Jessie, telling her 
to get my clothes out of pawn and come on. She 
landed at Kinrest three or four days before I was ex- 



56 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

pecting her, and when I got word she had already 
hunted up the parents of the man I was working for 
and was right at home when I appeared on the scene. 
As she was a first-class dressmaker and milliner and 
it was very hard to get any one to go out sewing in 
that country, she had already made arrangements to 
sew for a lady living in the town. I will not dwell 
on the scene when we met, but it was like a taste 
of heaven to us. After working hard all day I had 
walked four miles into town. We talked nearly all 
night, and at 4 in the morning I started back in order 
to go to work. 

The man who helped me had promised to keep 
things going until I got back. Sunday I went to 
town and had dinner with the people Jessie was sew- 
ing for. Afterward we got away together, as lovers 
will, and it was sundown before we knew it and we 
had to say good-by for another week. I continued 
working for the same outfit until the 12th of No- 
vember. In the meanwhile Jessie was also working 
when able, which was not more than half the time, 
being sick the other half. She had a weak heart and 
our southern experience didn't help it any. As she 
had been raised in the South, the motto of the ma- 
jority of the people being, 'Take no thought for the 
morrow," and knew nothing about saving money, she 



THO UGH MARRIED 57 

hadn't put by a cent of her sewing money. I may say 
that she was too big hearted to ever save money. It 
was all spent on me. I needed warmer underclothes 
or new shoes or something. She was always getting 
something or another for me. She didn't need any- 
thing herself, never thought of herself. It was always 
poor me. I had to work so hard and she was noth- 
ing but a burden. If she wasn't well on Sunday when 
I went to see her, she wouldn't much more than kiss 
me before starting in calling herself names and wish- 
ing she were dead so that I wouldn't be burdened with 
her any longer. It was a very hard matter for me to 
convince her that, instead of a burden, she was the 
joy of my life. 

All very unselfish people are alike in this regard. 
They never take stock of what they do for those they 
love, but only what is done for them. Jessie was cer- 
tainly the personification of unselfish love. 



58 HOW TO BE HAPPY 



CHAPTER V 

The second of November I left Kinrest, going across 
country about thirty miles, where I went to work 
on another threshing outfit, the owner of which I had 
known years before. I stayed with him until the 
last of the month, helping build a stable after threshing 
was finished. Several old-fashioned love letters had 
passed between Jessie and I during this time. I forgot 
to state that Jessie had figured out a scheme for a 
book mark, and before leaving Kinrest I sent money 
to a friend in Minneapolis, who had promised to have 
two hundred fixed up for me. They only cost about 
1 1 cents apiece, and afterwards Jessie had no trouble in 
disposing of about one hundred at 35 cents each. 

Landing back in Kinrest on the third of December 
I found Jessie at the Naylors, the people with whom 
she boarded when not out sewing. The family con- 
sisted of the man and his wife, about 65 and 55 years 
of age, respectively. Mr. Naylor was well to do, as 
he owned 800 acres of land, as good as there was 
in that community. They were both very nice, friendly 
people, but to use a Yankee expression, "near, very 



THO UGH MARRIED 59 

near." In traveling around I have come in contact 
with a good many people of this description. It is 
born and bred in the bone, that idea of saving, saving, 
saving. They begrudge themselves and family every 
mouthful they eat. Dear reader, I hope the above 
description does not fit you. If it does, all I can 
say is, whether you are young or old, you will never 
know what happiness is until you turn over a new 
leaf. Understand, this is not a sermon against saving 
or being economical, but against miserliness. Here is 
an illustration of my meaning: Two young men get 
married at the same time. They are working for the 
same firm, drawing the same amount of salary, are both 
steady, sober fellows, and each have $1,000 laid by. 
The first, whom I shall call Fred, is ambitious to get 
rich at any cost. His main object in life is to accumu- 
late all he can. He buys a small, uncomfortable house 
on the installment plan, only gets the furniture which 
is absolutely indispensable ; does not even get a wash- 
ing machine, which would save his wife a little. Hav- 
ing a good-sized lot, puts in a big garden, which takes 
up every minute of spare time he and his wife have. 
He hasn't time to improve his mind by reading, does 
not take his wife to a concert or any kind of an enter- 
tainment, as, according to him, only foolish people, 
those who do not know the value of money, go to any- 



60 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

thing of this kind. He has a chance to get a lot at a 
bargain, snaps it up, and then goes in debt in order to 
build a house on it, and then they have to scrimp and 
save harder than ever in order to pay for it. I could 
go on and on, but it isn't necessary. Everyone who 
may read this knows people of this description. If 
they are blessed with children, the lives of the chil- 
dren are one long misery until they get big enough 
to strike out for themselves. And if Fred lives to be 
60 years of age, he may be wealthy, as far as property 
is concerned, but what kind of a life has he to look 
back on? As he has never thought of anything or 
anybody but money, that is the only friend he has. 
If at this time his eyes could be opened his past life 
would look hideous to him. 

We shall now turn to the other man, whom I shall 
call John. He got married because he truly loved 
the girl, and she loved him, and because they wanted 
to be together in a home of their own. Before mar- 
riage John and his intended hunted around together 
and finally located a nice, cozy little home. This 
John bought on the monthly payment plan, paying so 
much down. They then spent what they thought they 
could afford to make the nest as homelike as pos- 
sible. John also put in a garden, but with it all found 
time to take his wife to an entertainment of some kind 



THO UGH MARRIED 61 

occasionally. They belonged to a lodge which had a 
meeting each week. They got books from the public 
library and took turns in reading aloud. They had 
a few particular friends upon whom they called and 
received calls from. They identified themselves with 
a church and in other ways too numerous to mention 
kept young and fresh. 

Even from the money standpoint most of their pleas- 
ures were inexpensive, and if in the course of time 
they were blessed with children said children would 
certainly have a fair chance in the world; that is a 
sure thing. If they did not turn out all right it would 
not be the fault of the parents. John may never get 
rich, not that I am prepared to make the statement 
that a rich man cannot be good, as there are hundreds 
of honest ways of getting to the front, but if he lives 
to be 60 years of age he will have the highest form 
of riches, the memory of a well-spent life, a host of 
friends and a memory stocked with the good he has 
accomplished. I could write pages more illustrating 
the lives of these two men, but will desist, as I have 
written enough to show you the difference between a 
skinflint and a decent man. In preaching this sermon 
I almost got away from the thread of my story. To 
go back, I found Jessie at Mr. Naylor's. Just a few 
days before, Mrs. Naylor had been taken down sick 



62 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

with pneumonia and Jessie had considered it her duty 
to come and help take care of her. They had a nurse, 
but Jessie was doing all the housework and looking 
after Mrs. Naylor in the daytime. Now, I consider that 
I am as warm-hearted as the next one, and have lent 
a helping hand to people in trouble time and again, 
but I believe in using a little judgment in all things. 
Although I felt sorry for the sick woman, I knew 
that they had plenty of money to hire a girl, that we 
owed them nothing, as Jessie had paid a good, stiff 
price for board for the time she had been there. I 
knew that with people of this kind she could stay 
and work herself to death and they wouldn't even 
thank her. They would probably begrduge her what 
she ate. When I got there she was almost in a state 
of collapse. In fact, should have been in bed herself, 
instead of trying to look after other people. We had 
a long talk and I told her just what would happen 
if she stayed, just how they would use her, etc. Well, 
she couldn't believe it or at least wouldn't allow herself 
to believe it. That was her disposition. I have known 
different women to take advantage of her kindness 
and then when they could use her come back again 
and again. And it wasn't that she didn't know that 
they were getting the best of her, but that she was 
so supremely unselfish and soft hearted that she could 



THO UGH MARRIED 63 

not turn any one down who was in trouble. But I 
shall have to stop wandering from my story or I shall 
never get it told. Jessie not only could not make up 
her mind to leave Naylor's at this stage, but insisted 
on my staying with her for a few days anyway until 
the crisis of the disease had passed. Mr. Naylor was 
utterly helpless and as he kept a team of horses and 
two cows, what with looking after these, cutting wood 
and helping Jessie in the house, I found plenty to do. 
In about a week, Mrs. Naylor having taken a turn 
for the better, and my book marks arriving, I made 
up my mind to pull out. I was intending to go to the 
county seat, a town of about 10,000. I was starting 
Monday morning, but Jessie was very poorly and I 
agreed to wait until Wednesday, but I was getting 
anxious, as Christmas w T as drawing near and I knew 
that the time to try and sell the book marks was be- 
fore that day. Monday evening I noticed a slight 
swelling just below my left jaw and, although it hurt 
quite a little I didn't pay much attention to it. The 
next morning it hurt so bad I could hardly eat. Jessie 
insisted that I have the doctor look at it when he came. 
He felt the lump, asked a few questions and gave me 
a prescription to get filled. I did this and got some 
kind of oil which was to be rubbed on every two or 
three hours. In the afternoon it hurt so bad that I 



64 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

laid down. The next morning I was too sick to get 
up. And I didn't get up for six long weeks. This 
lump turned out to be an abscess, and kept growing 
until it burst, both inside and out, poisoning my blood. 
At last the doctor gave me up, but Jessie didn't. She 
was worn out at the time I was taken sick, but the 
right kind of love will almost defy death itself. She 
wouldn't let anybody else do for me, stayed with me 
night and day. Just caught a short nap once in awhile, 
and when the doctor gave me up, she just took hold 
and made me live. I know that more than one night 
she kept me from drifting away by literally holding 
me back. I know that most people will hardly credit 
what I have just written, and I can't make you believe 
it, but I know that it is true. I can't just explain it, 
but I know it was a fact. At last, after a long strug- 
gle, I began to mend, but was very weak for a long 
time. It was torture for me to swallow and as a con- 
sequence I kept swallowing involuntarily. I couldn't 
eat anything solid for nearly two months, subsisting 
entirely on liquid food. When I was getting better I 
used to be so hungry at times that I felt as if I could 
have eaten a raw dog. By the twelfth of February 
I was able to get around all right, and although I 
figured it was the wrong time of the year to do busi- 
ness, concluded to take my overdue trip to the county 



THO UGH MARRIED 65 

seat, which I shall call Junction. During my illness, 
through the kindness of some, my wife had disposed 
of nearly 100 of the book marks, realizing nearly 
$35. I made the trip, getting back to Kinrest the first 
of March, having sold only about fifty of the marks, 
but I more than cleared my expenses; that helped 
some. I forgot to mention that I had lived on a farm 
near Kinrest with my folks when a boy, so that I 
was pretty well known both in the town and country. 
One man in particular proved himself a true friend 
in every sense of the word. On three different occa- 
sions while I was sick he had visited me, offering me 
money and telling Jessie to call on him if anything 
was needed at any time. When I got back to Kinrest, 
on inquiring, I found that Jessie was a couple of miles 
out of town, sewing. I went to this place, staying a 
couple of days, Jessie and I doing a lot of planning 
for the future. The one thing that we made up our 
minds to do if possible was to have a home of our 
own of some kind. We didn't care how hard we 
would have to work, if we could only be together. Some 
who are married and are never happy when together, 
note this. Hearing of a small farm close to town which 
the owner wished to rent, I investigated. It was an 
eighty-acre tract of land, there being fifty acres of 
hay land, twenty of pasture and ten acres that could 



66 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

be cropped, and $200 was asked as rent. There was 
also a small house and stable. The place was only half 
a mile from town. The people had a few household 
articles, which they wished to dispose of. They were 
willing to wait until the first of November for the 
major portion of the rent, but wanted $50 down, as 
they were short of money. I immediately hunted up 
the friend who was so kind when I was sick. I shall 
call him Mr. Evade. Having had a long talk with 
him, going thoroughly into the pros and cons of the 
business, he agreed to not only furnish the $50, but 
jointly sign the lease and note with me. The next 
day the papers were signed, and on the eighth day of 
March we moved in. That day was one of the hap- 
piest of our lives. Why was this? Because we had 
been left a bunch of money? Verily not. It was be- 
cause we each had what we cared most for on earth, 
that was each other. We only had a mere handful of 
furniture, were $50 in debt and had $10 cash on hand. 
In addition to this had sent away $20 for a garden 
seeder and seeds. I had done considerable in the gar- 
dening line and intended to put in as much garden 
truck as I could possibly handle. I should have stated 
that when I returned from Junction I saw the Nay- 
lors and settled with them. I shall just state what oc- 
curred and the reader can draw his own conclusions. 



THOUGH MARRIED 67 

They didn't charge Jessie or me anything when we 
were putting in our time doing their work while Mrs. 
Naylor was sick, but we were charged full board while 
I was sick. Six weeks of this time they furnished me 
about 2 cents worth of milk per day. Jessie helped 
around the house a little every day, and the last couple 
of weeks she was working most of the time. I never 
said anything to them, but I did a lot of strong think- 
ing. It had turned out just the way I told Jessie it 
would. I paid all but $15, promising to pay this when 
I could. As I agreed to pay this, I fully intended to 
do so, as I do not believe in going back on an agree- 
ment, whether I am beat or not, but I made up my 
mind that I would pay off every other debt I incurred 
before this was paid, and it was more than four years 
afterward when it was finally cleared off. Different 
people of the town loaned me a team and wagon and I 
put in two weeks hauling manure and spreading it 
on my garden spot. I then worked for the town banker 
two weeks, the $24 received for this being like finding 
water in the desert. It was now time for me to start 
at work on the land. From this time forward I 
worked like a dog, early and late, Jessie being with 
me most of the time unless too sick to leave her bed. 
I got up at 4 o'clock and without eating anything 
worked until six. I then came in, fired up and if Jessie 



68 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

was well, woke her up and I helped her get breakfast. 
Afterwards I washed the dishes while she straightened 
up the house a little. Then we would both go out 
to the field, this same being a long, narrow strip, the 
pasture being on one side and running the whole 
length. I would carry out two or three coats for 
a seat for Jessie. She would take some fancy work 
along. If able, she would help me part of the time. 
If not, I would fix her up as comfortable as possible 
and there she would stay till noon. 

I couldn't get her to go in until I did, even when 
she had been working pretty steady she wouldn't stop 
until I did. We would go in together, light the fire 
and get dinner. I generally read aloud while Jessie 
prepared the meal. 

The afternoon would be a repetition of the morning. 
We generally went out about 2 o'clock and I never 
quit before 8. Jessie would leave earlier in order to 
have a good meal waiting for me when I came in. This 
was the special meal of the day. One day was about 
the same as the others, only that every once in awhile 
there would be a day and sometimes two when Jessie's 
heart would be bothering and she stayed in bed. It 
would then devolve on me to get the meals and act 
as nurse. I was always more affectionate with her 
on these occasions. In order that she might have any 



THO UGH MARRIED 69 

rest I had to tell her, over and over, how much I 
thought of her, and my reasons for so doing. When- 
ever she had one of these attacks it was very hard 
for me to make her see that she wasn't a burden. If 
I was writing this story in the third person I could 
make myself as much of a hero as I liked, but this is 
not my object. I am relating a true story and am just 
stating facts. When I was sick Jessie almost wore 
herself out in order to keep me alive, and I was doing 
no more than my plain duty by paying a little atten- 
tion to her when she was not well. Jessie would have 
done anything in the world for me. I was just as 
sure of this as that I was living. 

You may be sure that before I went out to the field 
that I convinced her that I didn't think she was a bur- 
den. She knew that I loved her and she loved for me 
to tell her so. How many poor married women there 
are who are starving for the want of affection. The 
husband takes it for granted that the wife knows that 
he cares more for her than anyone else. Mind you, 
I am not writing of drunkards or low down scoun- 
drels, but of the majority of good, decent men. How 
often when at the table, instead of finding fault with 
everything, do they praise her cooking or tell her how 
nice she looks or hand out any of the pretty compli- 
ments they bestowed on her before marriage? Of 



70 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

course, I don't intend to affirm that all women are 
angels, not at all, but the majority marry a man be- 
cause they love him and he has made them believe he 
loved them, and if the men always did as they should 
the divorce courts would go out of business. 



THOUGH MARRIED 71 



CHAPTER VI 

About the first of May I got three cows and their 
calves from a man who was short of pasture. I was 
to pasture and take care of the outfit for the milk. 
This was quite a help to us. I planted two acres of 
onions, about four acres of potatoes and about an 
acre of other garden truck. When the onions were 
nicely up a heavy sand storm cut them all down. I 
worked right along every day but Sunday. It never 
rained enough in the daytime to stop me. 

About the fifteenth of July I started to put up my 
hay. Having no horses or machinery, I fixed up a 
deal with the man from whom I got the cows. I was 
to help him put up his hay and also in harvest and pay 
the difference in cash. With the exception of an odd 
wet day, I was with him until the twenty-seventh of 
August. Twice a week, after working hard all day 
in the field, I would borrow a hand cart from one of 
the merchants and take a load of vegetables into the 
town, going from house to house selling them, Jessie 
having gotten them ready during the day. 

Mr. Evade had offered me a job on his threshing 



72 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

outfit as night watchman, and on the twenty-seventh 
of August I took on my new duties. If I had worked 
hard before I certainly worked from this time until the 
first of November. I was at home two days out of 
three, doing something about my garden. Long be- 
fore this I found out that I was to pay just about twice 
as much rent as I should have, and that I would have 
to figure mighty fine in order to come out even. I 
had put up about sixty tons of hay, but there was no 
sale for it at this time. In fact, there was nothing 
sure about my selling it at any time. This was the 
reason I took a job threshing. 

It was a hard pull to leave Jessie all alone, but $2.50 
every night, Sunday included, was too good to let 
pass. So I used to come home nearly every morning 
and go back at night. I almost forgot what it was 
like to sleep in a bed. I could stand it better in the 
daytime, as I would generally be busy. The nights 
were the hardest. It seemed as if I would go to sleep 
standing up. 

As last threshing was over and I was $160 to the 
good. I had drawn some from time to time, but left 
$80 with Mr. Evade. As my rent was due at this time 
he put $100 to my $80 and paid it, just telling me that 
he would never ask me for it, that I could pay him 
when I got it. I still owed the man who helped me 
put up the hay $60. 



THO UGH MARRIED 73 

The vegetables and butter that we sold had just 
about kept the house. Jessie, wanting to help in some 
way, and being a great hand to write poetry, songs, 
etc., had written a few songs and sent them to a pub- 
lishing house in Chicago. These people wrote a beau- 
tiful letter about the songs, how fine they were, etc., 
and a lot more about the amount of money different 
song writers had made, winding up with a flowery offer 
but it would cost $20 to take advantage of this. If I 
had written the songs I wouldn't have paid any atten- 
tion to their letter, as when the flowery part was taken 
away it just amounted to this: They would write the 
music and publish 200 of the songs for the $20. They 
could have been the poorest trash that was ever writ- 
ten and they would have done the same. I hadn't 
the heart to tell Jessie this, although it would have 
been better to have done so. She was so eager to help 
in any way she could, always trying to stop me from 
working so hard, tellinjf me over and over if she was 
dead and out of the way that I would be all right. 
One day as she was going on this way I asked her to 
put herself in my place. If I wasn't well and couldn't 
do much, and she was well and able, would she con- 
sider it a hardship to have to work hard for a time? 
She answered that she would just love to do it. I 
then said : "If you ever talk about dying again, I shall 



74 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

take it for granted that you deliberately intend to 
question my love." 

This talk of mine broke her all up in business and 
if at any time in the future she said anything about 
being a burden I would ask her when she had found 
out that I didn't care for her any more and that 
would silence her. But this is the way with all very un- 
selfish people. They would work all day and night for 
one whom they cared for and esteem it a privilege, 
but if they were at all dependent would feel that they 
were a burden. 

In regard to the songs, the $20 was spent and we 
never received any benefit. 

As there wasn't much of a chance to get work of 
any kind in Kinrest in the winter, and I wanted to 
make all I could, after talking it over with Jessie 
I concluded to send for some more book marks. As 
I wanted to sell them for 50 cents each, I intended 
to get the best material possible and have them fixed 
up in a fancy manner. I wrote to my Minneapolis 
friend, telling him just what I wanted and not to spare 
expense in order to make them show up so well that 
they would sell on sight. There is an old saying, "If 
you want anything done well, do it yourself." That 
was the way it was in this case. When the markers 
came they didn't show up good at all. The printing 



THOUGH MARRIED 75 

was too fancy for the material, made it look shoddy. 
They cost 20 cents each and if another 5 cents had 
been added to the cost of the ribbon they would have 
been superb. 

This was $40 more spent. Of course, I could not 
blame my friend, and to this day he doesn't know but 
what they were just the thing. I knew I couldn't 
sell them for 50 cents, as I wouldn't have the nerve 
to ask that for them. Jessie and I were bitterly dis- 
appointed, but the milk was spilt and we couldn't 
gather it up by crying. 

After threshing I gathered in what garden stuff 
I had in the ground. On the fifteenth of November, 
leaving Jessie alone, I started for the county seat with 
the book marks. I intended not only to get out and 
hustle myself, but also to get a few school boys to 
sell for me. I took the fifty left over from the year 
before. I sold them all right at 35 cents each, but the 
others were apparently unsalable. Boy after boy that 
I sent out would come back saying that the people 
all said that the marks were too dear. At the end 
of two weeks I quit in disgust. 

My throat was bothering me considerably, although 
I had allowed my beard to grow and wore a scarf 
around my neck. As soon as the weather got cold, on 
account of the abscess the winter before, my throat 



76 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

got so bad that I could hardly swallow. Jessie was 
also writing about every other day, and although she 
didn't complain I could tell that she was nearly sick 
from worrying about me. It was a mighty blue home 
coming for me. If there had been work of any kind 
to be gotten it wouldn't have been so bad, but there 
was a long winter to face, with no money and neither 
of us well. When I arrived home it was my turn to 
be despondent, and I certainly was. I felt so blue 
that it was next to impossible for me to believe that 
the sun would ever shine bright and pleasant again. 
For about three days I was no better than a big baby. 
This was the time when Jessie came to the front and 
showed what she was made of. Instead of giving 
up too, she just put in her best licks doing and say- 
ing everything she could to cheer me up. Finally, 
realizing how selfish I was, I braced up and we faced 
the situation together. 



THOUGH MARRIED 77 



CHAPTER VII 

No doubt some of my readers who may have looked 
upon me as a kind of two-cent hero will be disap- 
pointed at this point. For the benefit of all such I 
now make this statement: I am not trying to make 
out that I was a great hero. I am just writing a true 
story and am not trying to make myself out any bet- 
ter or worse than what I was, but I have no doubt 
that even our real historical heroes all saw blue at 
times when they could have stood a little petting and 
babying. 

On doing a little figuring we soon found out where 
we were at. It was the fourth of December and we 
had $3 on hand besides the hay, owed Mr. Evade $100 
and Mr. Glin, who helped, $40. We had a plentiful 
supply of vegetables and Jessie, who was an expert 
at this, had made a lot of different kinds of pickles, 
but most of the town people were supplied and there 
was no sale for anything at this time. As most of our 
friends had advised against going on this place, want- 
ing us to go to work for some farmer or something of 
that kind, we couldn't even expect sympathy. In fact, 



78 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

we didn't even look for it. We knew that there would 
be some way of getting through the winter. My credit 
was good at the store, but I didn't intend to run any 
farther in debt if I could help it. Jessie had raised 
a few chickens. Early in the summer I bought four 
small pigs and just before I finished threshing I paid 
$25 for an old horse. All these, as far as the win- 
ter was concerned, were just an expense. Just before 
Christmas I killed one of the pigs, which helped out 
some. On the fifth of December, as our fuel was 
about finished up, I went to town to see if I couldn't 
make arrangements with the coal man, who also ran a 
lumber yard, to get fuel and pay in work. This man, 
being one of the old-timers, had known me as a boy. 
When I told him how I was situated, he at once of- 
fered to let me have what coal I wanted and pay him 
when I could, but that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't 
care to sit up all winter with my finger in my mouth 
doing nothing and then have to work like a dog all 
summer to pay for it. After studying a little the coal 
man at last agreed to give me enough work of some 
kind to pay for what fuel I might need. I forthwith 
borrowed Mr. Evade's team and wagon and hauled a 
ton out to the house. The bargain I made with the 
coal man took about a ton's weight of the burden off 
my mind. I knew we wouldn't freeze anyway. I paid 



THOUGH MARRIED 79 

for my firing by unloading coal from the cars into the 
coal shed. Any one who may have done this kind of 
work will know that I didn't have much of a snap, 
more especially when I say that I have shoveled out 
forty tons in a day, but this meant $5. I not only 
earned my fuel, but about $30 besides. I also occa- 
sionally loaded a car of grain for one of the elevator 
men. 

When Jessie and I saw that we were secure from 
freezing or starvation we gave ourselves up to having 
as good a time as possible. The house contained one 
large room downstairs and two up. As we didn't in- 
tend to go in for style, especially when we couldn't 
afford it, and wanted to be as comfortable as possible, 
we lived entirely in the large room down stairs. Un- 
less I knew in advance that there was coal to unload 
I would turn out in the morning at 7, open the stove 
drafts, put on some coal and then go back to bed until 
the room got nice and warm. Then we would both 
get up and dress. Then I would go out and look after 
the live stock. I forgot to say that Mr. Glin had 
taken away his cattle in October and we got milk from 
a neighbor. When I got through choring, if break- 
fast wasn't ready, I would turn in and help it along. 
After breakfast I would wash the dishes while Jessie 
straightened up the house. We had a big lounging 



80 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

chair, which had been a fancy piece of furniture, but 
at this time it looked as if it had been in the ark, but 
it was mighty comfortable. After our housework was 
finished I used to ensconce myself in the chair, with 
Jessie on my lap, and she would kiss and baby me 
for a while, also ask me over and over if I loved her, 
and how much, etc., etc. This sounds mighty foolish 
and I was always afraid some one would pop in some 
time when we were acting so. I used to tell Jessie 
that she was worse than a baby, but you can bet I 
liked to have her act so, just the same. You show me 
a married man who doesn't like to have his wife pet 
him a little sometimes and, well, I, for one, wouldn't 
have much use for him. After our love feast Jessie 
would hunt up a book or magazine, of which we gen- 
erally had a supply, as knowing every one in town, I 
was able to borrow all the reading matter we could 
wade through. I would read aloud while Jessie did 
some sewing or fancy work, and while she was get- 
ting the dinner. After dinner I went to town, in- 
quired for mail, got groceries if needed, saw the 
coal and elevator men, and if there was no work for 
me, went back home and put in the rest of the day 
about like the morning, only sometimes we played a 
few games of a German game, known as "66." With 
very little variation one day was passed the same as the 



THOUGH MARRIED 81 

other, only Sundays and days when I was working 
downtown. I know most of my readers will be shocked 
when I say that we never went to church after mov- 
ing out of the town. There were several reasons for 
this. People in a city have no excuse whatever for 
not attending some kind of religious meetings, as they 
can always slip in some place where they are not 
known, but in a country town it is different; every- 
body knows you, and every move you make is noted. 
Both Jessie and I had considerable pride, call it sinful 
pride if you like, and couldn't stand to have people 
patronize us. We knew that under the circumstances, 
poor as we were, it would only do us harm to go to 
church, so we stayed away. Of the three preachers 
of the town, one was no gentleman, as when I was in 
a restaurant I heard him telling a vulgar story, which 
no gentleman, let alone a preacher, should be guilty of. 
One of the others was what would be called a five- 
cent dude. The other was a sour-faced crank and his 
sermons would give a person the horrors. Now, I am 
not running down religion, or goodness; far from it. 
I reverence goodness wherever I find it, but not the 
counterfeit article. Neither Jessie nor I were pro- 
fessing Christians. The main reason for this was that 
as children at home we were surrounded by such a 
terrible amount of hypocrisy that we had drifted away 

6 



82 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

from religion. For the benefit of my readers, I will 
say that we had a religion of our own, which we tried 
hard to live up to. That was to love each other with 
all our hearts and "Do unto others as we would have 
them do unto us." If all the church members in 
America would start in and live up to this motto I 
am almost sure we would have the millenium in a 
year. I may say that our favorite author was Rev. 
E. P. Roe, "Barriers Burned Away" and "From Jest 
to Earnest" being our favorite books. I am sure that 
I have read these two books through at least a dozen 
times. Any one who has read them will know, these 
being our favorites, that we could not be very des- 
perately wicked. If people only knew how they are 
influencing, in some way, every one with whom they 
come in contact, would they not be more careful of 
what they said and did? For instance, take a man 
who controls a large business. He is a member of 
some church, perhaps a deacon or elder, may also be 
a Sunday-school teacher or superintendent. He may 
have men, women, boys and girls working for him. 
Just think of this man's influence for good or evil; 
his every word and action will be noted. He repre- 
sents Jesus Christ, the one who was the personification 
of unselfish love. The one who never spoke only in 
kindness, nor did an unkind deed. If he tells a clerk 



THOUGH MARRIED 83 

to sell shoddy for pure wool, mercerized cotton for 
silk, etc., what kind of an influence will he have 
on those under him? Time and again I have heard 
business men declare that they could not run a busi- 
ness honestly and succeed. It is a poor lookout for 
the old world if this is the case. 

Another thing, what is honesty ? A farmer lived near 
Kinrest who, generally speaking, was a fine man. I 
wouldn't care how much he owed me, I wouldn't be 
afraid of not getting it. While conversing with him 
one time, horse trading was mentioned, and he made 
this statement: "If I am trading horses I believe in 
getting the best of the other fellow if I possibly can. I 
will tell him no more about my horse than I can help, 
whatever his faults I shall say nothing against him." 

And he believed this was a perfectly honest way 
to do business. This is a whole lot of people's idea of 
honesty, more's the pity. 



84 HOW TO BE HAPPY 



CHAPTER VIII 

But to continue my story. We kept in fairly good 
health and had an enjoyable time, although having no 
company but each other. On the fifteenth of Decem- 
ber the man and his wife who lived near us took a 
trip and didn't get back until the first of March. In 
all that time Jessie never went farther than the barn. 
Once in a great while some one would drop in from 
town, but Jessie wouldn't go near the town. She 
knew that I was looked on as a kind of failure and 
those who came over to see us tried to be patronizing 
and she just wouldn't stand for it. She used to say 
that as long as she had me she wasn't particular 
whether she ever saw any one else or not. And she 
meant it, too. I know we certainly got irrevocably 
bound up in each other that winter. We were all and 
everything to each other. Two people situated as we 
were must do one of two things, each love the other 
more and more, or else they will get to hate each other. 
I think we were unusually favored, on account of our 
tastes being similar. We both loved a good book and 
were also great jokers and jolliers. Time and again we 



THO UGH MARRIED 85 

have started in and joked and jollied each other for a 
couple of hours at a stretch. We never got lonesome. 
As we had traveled considerably before marriage, we 
always found something to talk about. At this time 
we were as happy as they make them, being perfectly 
alive to the fabulous riches we possessed in having 
each other to love and be loved by. 

Once in a while I sold a load of hay, but as it only 
averaged about $3 per ton, I didn't get much out of it. 
I didn't keep a dollar of the hay money, turning it 
over to Mr. Evade as fast as I got it. Every time I 
tendered him any money he would say he didn't need 
it and for me to keep it until times were better with 
me, but I always said the same thing, that I would 
have to pay it some time, and the sooner the better. If 
I kept the money it would be spent and I would have 
that much more to pay in the" summer. This Mr. 
Evade was the best man I have ever had dealings with. 
I have never had the pleasure of knowing another as 
good and liberal. I don't mean to say that there are 
not others as good, but that I haven't had the 
pleasure of becoming acquainted with them. Along 
in the winter I wrote to the owner of the land I was 
on, Mr. Shepherd, and offered him $100 rent for the 
place another year. Our time was up the first of April. 
In reply he stated that he would let it stand idle before 



86 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

taking less than $200, so it was up to me to find an- 
other place. The summer before this a representative 
of an eastern land company had bought about 5,000 
acres of land in a block. The owners being very glad 
to sell, as all this land was light and unless there was 
considerable rain didn't produce much of a crop. At the 
time of purchase the land company was negotiating 
with a band of Iowa farmers to whom they expected 
to turn over the land, but there was a hitch somewhere 
and they didn't sell. During the winter their man 
was around trying to rent the places for another year, 
but most of the other farmers around, knowing the 
land, didn't care to take risks. About the first of 
March I saw this man and obtained permission to 
move on one of the places and put in what crop I 
could. It was customary to rent grain land on the 
share system, the owner furnishing the seed and pay- 
ing half the threshing, the renter planting, cutting 
the grain, furnishing the twine and paying the other 
half of the threshing, and if the land was plowed, 
plowing it back, landlord and tenant each taking half 
of the crop. The first of April I moved, then being 
two miles from town. I bought another old horse, got a 
cheap set of harness, had plenty of hay, and Mr. Steel, 
the coal man, had promised to let me have what oats 
I needed. We had plenty of house and barn room, 



THOUGH MARRIED 87 

but no good water. There was a well across the 
road, the water of which I used for the stock and 
washing, but for cooking and drinking purposes it was 
necessary to haul from a spring about three-quarters of 
a mile away. There was a well in the barn, but it had 
been bored and the pump was broken, and I had no 
money to buy another. The company not being will- 
ing to put out a cent for any kind of improvement, we 
just had to make the best of it, which we proceeded 
to do. 

We finally got everything moved and straightened 
up. I then hauled my hay and got some oats from Mr. 
Steel. Having borrowed an old walking plow, bright 
# and early Monday morning, the thirteenth of April, I 
started plowing. As I was never superstitious, I never 
bothered about the day of the month. I plowed stead- 
ily for two weeks, working early and late in order to 
do a certain amount, viz. : twenty-one miles, which was 
about three acres a day, and yet give the old horses all 
the chance I could. If I needed anything in town I 
would walk there after I got through at night. Any- 
thing that was needed for the house Jessie would send 
for through some one who passed the house. She 
would not stay in the house any longer than was abso- 
lutely necessary. After looking after the chickens and 
turkeys she would haul up water, and have feed and 
hay ready for the horses when I came in. 



88 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

She would then take some kind of work and come 
out in the field and there she would stay until it was 
time to hustle in and get dinner. She would follow 
behind me just like my shadow until she would be 
completely tired out, and all I could say in regard 
to the foolishness of it would not make any difference. 
She just wanted to be with me and that was all there 
was to it. If I said too much she would begin to cry 
and say that I was tired of her and didn't love her any 
more. Although she was three months my senior and 
a woman is supposed to age faster than a man, she 
was just like a big baby. I can picture her now, com- 
ing out to the field wearing a great straw hat, tied 
around her neck with a ribbon, a calico dress and 
apron completing her costume. Instead of wearing 
the hat on her head, it would generally be hanging 
down her back, for all in the world like a little girl 
about four years of age. But you can be sure that 
she looked good to me, even if she was tanned black, 
and I couldn't get very tired or blue as long as she 
was around to cheer me up. After I had plowed a 
couple of weeks I went down to see the company's 
agent in the town about getting some seed grain, only 
to be informed that the company would not furnish any 
seed. That I would have to furnish everything my- 
self and give them one-quarter. This was a good deal 



THOUGH MARRIED 89 

if I could get the seed, but I didn't have $2 to 
my name, and was running a store bill for my 
supplies. Monday morning I borrowed a wagon and 
started out to get some wheat. I then found out what 
it was to have good friends. I tried to get at least 
30 bushels, worth $18 at that time, but could not get 
a bushel without the cash. I tried at least twenty dif- 
ferent farmers, all of whom I knew, but it was no use ; 
they all had the same excuse. Some came out flat- 
footed and told me that they had wheat to sell, but 
would not let me have it without the money, not that 
they didn't believe I was honest, but that they didn't 
have any faith in the land I was trying to farm and 
wouldn't help me to an almost certain failure. That 
night, after I got back home, I went to town and tried 
to raise the money, but couldn't. My friend, Mr. 
Evade, was up in Canada, and I was already indebted 
to Mr. Steel, so didn't ask him, but I asked every one 
else, but could not get a dollar. You will say that 
this sounds very improbable. I know it does, but it 
was certainly the truth. These people all knew me. 
Knew that I didn't drink or even use tobacco, also 
knew how hard I had worked the summer before. Fur- 
thermore both Mr. Evade and Mr. Steel had told what 
a cheerful payer I was and yet they wouldn't hand out 
a cent. 



90 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

Dear reader, would an experience of this kind im- 
prove your love for your fellow man? That night 
when I finally got home I was completely undone. I 
hadn't been asking for charity, but just for a chance to 
work, and the hardest kind of work, where 
Jessie and I could be together. The next morn- 
ing I was very near desperate, when I thought 
that I was at a standstill on account of the lack of a 
few paltry dollars. While in this condition I happened 
to think of a man whom I had known off and on for 
years and whom I had favored more than once. It 
has been my experience that most people are ready to 
borrow money of you if they can, but are very shy 
about returning the compliment. Under ordinary cir- 
cumstances I wouldn't have gone near this man, as 
he was one of thousands who drink up all they earn, 
but I was desperate and a drowning man will clutch 
at anything. As he was working within a mile of us, I 
hustled down before breakfast and when I told him my 
tale of woe he at once drew $20 from his boss and 
handed it to me. You may be sure I shall not forget 
this favor in awhile, although it wasn't much to him, 
even if I had never paid it back, it was a lot to me 
at that time. I am thankful to say that I have been 
able to return his favor more than once. On receiving 
the money I at once proceeded to get some wheat and 



THOUGH MARRIED 91 

sow it. I borrowed a harrow and a small drill to 
work with. Shortly after this the doctor who had 
attended me when I was sick happened to stop in, and 
when I struck him for a loan promised to back me 
with money enough to get what seed I would need. 
He was out of town the night I was down there try- 
ing to raise money, and anyway he would have been 
about the last man I would have thought of going to, 
not but what I thought he was a fine man, but some 
way it would not seem right to try to borrow money 
from a doctor. 

It being a very dry spring ; in fact, it was too dry, I 
worked every day with my old team until I had plowed 
and planted forty acres of wheat, thirty of oats and 
twenty of barley, also five acres of corn and about four 
of potatoes. Plenty of people living right in that 
part of the country could hardly believe that I did 
this much with the old plug team I had, but I cer- 
tainly didn't spare myself and I gave the old horses all 
the advantage. From the first of May on I got up 
every morning at 4, went out and fed the horses, 
then came in and got breakfast. As I couldn't see any 
reason for both of us getting up so early, I let Jessie 
sleep. After breakfast I would set the alarm for 8 and 
then go out, clean off and harness up the horses and 
strike for the field, figuring on getting started to work 



92 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

by 5 :3c I then had six and a half hours to go eleven 
miles with the plow, giving the horses a rest quite 
often. I would take a long nooning from 12 until 2, 
and it would generally be 7 130 by the time I got in at 
night. As Jessie would usually have feed and water 
all ready, by 8 I would be ready for supper. Any one 
can readily see that I wasn't acting the drone to any 
great extent. I planted thirty-five bushels of potatoes. 
Jessie cut all these and also dropped them in the fur- 
rows while I plowed and covered. She also put in 
what garden we had. About the tenth of June 
I finished up and if there had only been a few good 
showers we would have made a tidy bit of money, but 
it wasn't to be. That would have been too good to 
be true. Before this I mentioned Jessie having put 
up a lot of pickles. These were partly in quart jars 
and the rest in two-gallon crocks. We had planned, 
when through seeding, to take a trip to a good sized 
town named Clay, which was twenty miles away. So a 
couple of days after finishing up I borrowed a wagon 
and we loaded all the pickle stuff in, also a few potatoes 
that we had to spare and, packing up over night, got up 
at 2 a. m., and got started away by 3 130, as I wanted 
to get into the town before the sun got too warm. 
We stopped to feed the horses and ourselves a couple 
of miles out of town, and landed there at 11 o'clock. 



THOUGH MARRIED 93 

Taking a jar of each of the different kinds of pickles, 
viz: chili sauce, picalilli, mixed and sweet cucumber 
pickles, in a basket, I went from house to house, while 
Jessie poked the old team along. I pride myself on 
being able to sell anything of this kind. In the first 
place I knew I had something that was especially 
good, and it was the time of year when it was scarce. 
I know how to make myself agreeable and stay agree- 
able, whether people patronize me or not. As before 
stated, I started at 1 1 o'clock and never stopped to eat 
even, until 9 at night, and then only because it was 
getting dark. In that time I had been to nearly 
every house in town, and had taken in $37, which was 
like finding money for us. It had been a very hot 
day and poor Jessie was nearly roasted, bttt had stuck 
to her post like a soldier. I may say that I didn't sell 
the jars, most people having plenty of their own, they 
would exchange an empty can for a full one. When 
we had about sold our jars I got a pail of hot water 
and Jessie washed some of the empty jars and filled 
them from the crocks. It was a hard day, but we cer- 
tainly felt mighty fine when starting for home. Going 
out a couple of miles, we stopped and fed and watered 
the horses and ourselves. We landed home the next 
morning at 5 o'clock. As we had been so successful 
at Clay and still had a few pickles left, we concluded 



94 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

to take a trip to a town called Groves. This place was 
about the same distance from us as Clay, but in a 
different direction. Tuesday of the following week 
we struck out, making the town before noon. By 6 
o'clock we had sold out, taking in about $16. On our 
way home that night we were as happy as two chil- 
dren at Christmas. 

I didn't have very much to do for awhile, only cul- 
tivate the corn and potatoes. The weather was not 
very satisfactory, it being too dry. By July ist the 
crop was dried up beyond recovery, and although there 
were some good rains after that, lots of the grain 
hardly paid for the cutting. 



THOUGH MARRIED 95 



CHAPTER IX 

About the first of July I took my old team and 
started hauling gravel for the town. Just a couple of 
days of this work played out one of the horses and I 
had to hire one to take its place. I earned about $40 
at this work and then just looked after the corn, pota- 
toes and garden until harvest time. I bought an old 
binder, agreeing to pay $25 for the same. I worked in 
the harvest field about ten days for my nearest neighbor 
and when my wheat was ready to cut I hired a man 
and team, put my team with his and let him run the 
binder, while I shocked the grain. I had already spoken 
to Mr. Evade and he had promised to find work for 
myself and horses on his threshing outfit. As he would 
be working not less than ten miles from where we 
lived, I couldn't get home very often. In June a fam- 
ily moved into the house just across the road from 
us, so that Jessie would not be entirely alone, but it 
certainly broke her all up in business when it came 
time for me to start. I had not been away from her 
for twelve hours straight ahead since the fall before. 
It didn't seem as if she could let me go. She wasn't 



96 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

at all well, her heart having been bothering consider- 
ably for a month or so back. I finally dragged my- 
self away, promising to come home when I could. We 
only worked half a day when it started to rain and 
there was nothing done for a week. The next week 
the machine ran four and a half days and Saturday 
afternoon Mr. Evade drew me to one side and said 
he was sorry, but he would have to let me go, that he 
had nothing against me, but my team could not stand 
the work. This was certainly a blow, but as I knew 
it was true I couldn't say anything. The job that was 
given me was the easiest on horses of any that there 
was, but at times it was necessary to get a move on, 
and mine were too old to get off a walk. They couldn't 
fill the bill. 

Sunday I went home, finding Jessie sick abed, with 
Mrs. Hoover, our neighbor, in attendance. Mrs. 
Hoover would have sent for me, but, although Jessie 
was mighty hungry for a sight of me, she wouldn't 
allow her to do so. 

Most people will not be able to understand how such 
a short absence would affect a person so much. There 
are some people who will appreciate this though. Jes- 
sie pleaded so hard with me for to stay at home that 
I concluded to do so. My oats were still to cut and 
I intended stacking the wheat, also had potatoes to dig 



THOUGH MARRIED 97 

and get rid of. As different people who had seen my 
wheat before it was cut, had estimated it at not less 
than ten bushels to the acre, and I had a fair stand 
of oats, besides the potatoes, I was sure I could 
straighten up, with something to spare. So I stayed at 
home the rest of the fall, doing what I could. A 
neighbor who had a machine agreed to thresh for 
me by the first of October at the latest, but he didn't 
live up to his agreement, not threshing it at all, it be- 
ing after the first of November before it was threshed 
by another man, costing nearly twice as much as if 
threshed earlier in the season. Jessie helped me to 
stack the wheat and also to cut the oats. She also 
helped me with the potatoes. We had about 300 bush- 
els of these, 200 bushels of which I sold at 50 cents 
per bushel, and the rest I put in the cellar. On thresh- 
ing my grain, instead of getting at the least 400 bush- 
els of wheat, there was only 220 bushels. Three- 
quarters of this was my share, 165 bushels. I sold 
this for 62 cents per bushel, realizing $102.30. My 
share of the oats was 240 bushels, and the thresh bill 
was $55. I had paid $25 for a binder, $10 for twine 
and $12 to the man who had cut the wheat. Any 
one can see how much I made, and this isn't counting 
the seed, $65, or all my hard work. 

I was up against it once more. About the first of 
7 



98 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

August I bought a cow and calf for $32, promising to 
pay by the first of November. When I started thresh- 
ing I bought a wagon for $50, agreeing to pay $25 
of this by the first of November. We had been as 
careful as possible, neither one having gotten any 
clothes to speak of. As I had only used the wagon 
six or seven days, I thought I could get the dealer 
to take it back, but as he wanted $8 for the use of 
it and finally said he would let me keep it if I paid 
$15 at that time, I paid the money. 

I then earned $30 doing road work, which helped 
us out fine. On the fifteenth of November, when I 
finally got everything fixed up, I found that I had 
on hand the magnificent sum of $28. Besides this 
we had a cow and calf, about a dozen pigs, 50 chickens 
and 12 turkeys, an old binder, $15 interest in a wagon, 
one old horse, the other having given up the ghost 
the day before. There were a hundred bushels of 
potatoes and a little garden truck in the cellar. This 
winter was passed very much like the winter before. 
It was very cold and stormy, and on that account, as 
I was so far from town, I didn't have the same oppor- 
tunity to earn anything loading grain. I just unloaded 
coal for Mr. Steel, that was all. As I had learned by 
experience how hard it was to get a little money when 
especially in need of it, I had resolved not to part with 



THOUGH MARRIED 99 

my last cent, so along about the first of March I 
opened an account at the store and held on to my 
remaining cash. All my friends had advised hiring 
myself and wife to some bachelor farmer and I would 
have done this if I could have depended on Jessie being 
able to do the work, but I knew it wouldn't do, as 
she would be all right one day and all wrong the next. 
I knew there was nothing for it but to keep together 
and by ourselves. I don't suppose there was a day 
all winter but what we had a chat which ran some- 
thing like this: Jessie would get in her old seat on 
my knee and after kissing and hugging awhile would 
ask me if I wasn't sorry that I ever married her, and 
would start in and show me how much better off I 
would have been if I hadn't. Then I would assure 
her that, poor as we were, I wouldn't change places 
with Carnegie or Rockefeller. It would then be my 
turn and I would proceed to try and show her how 
much better off she would have been if she hadn't 
married me, but she always considered this absurd 
and would put her hand over my mouth and stop me. 
We would then reorganize our mutual admiration so- 
ciety and both declare that as long as we had each 
other nothing else mattered. Having a plentiful sup- 
ply of reading matter, the winter passed pleasantly 
enough. In the spring I made a fresh start. I intended 



ioo HOW TO BE HAPPY 

putting twenty acres in oats, having plowed that much 
ground the fall before, and plowing and putting in 
twelve acres of corn, four of potatoes and also have 
a good sized garden. I only had one horse, but 
thought I could hire one for a couple of weeks, or 
as long as it would take me to do this work. I worked 
a couple of weeks for Mr. Steel and then started out 
to hunt up a horse. I traveled around for two days 
without succeeding and then gave it up in disgust. The 
man from whom I bought the cow had an old horse 
that he wanted to sell and offered to let me have it a 
couple of days to try. I took up this offer. The sec- 
ond day, while at work, who should come along but 
Mr. Gent, the man who had sold me the old horse 
which had died the fall before. He was leading an 
old crow-bait of a horse which he offered to sell to 
me. On looking the beast over I said that I didn't 
think it would do, as I wanted a horse that I could 
do road work with, but he answered back that the 
horse was all right, that he was just as good as the 
one I had any way, and before he finished said that 
he would guarantee him to hold out as long as the 
one I had. On the head of this guarantee I took the 
horse. I was to pay $35, giving him five pigs which I 
valued at $6 each, and the other $5 I was to do road 
work for. I took the other man's horse back. By 



THOUGH MARRIED 101 

giving the old horses their time I managed to get 
what work I had to do finished, and, having a good 
pasture, I then turned them out to grass, not intend- 
ing to use them more than I had to until it was time to 
do road work. During the winter the occupants of the 
house across the way had moved and the place was 
vacant until the first of June, when a man named 
Henry moved in. This man had a bunch of seven 
horses. He was horse poor, not doing as much with 
his whole outfit as I did with one old team. It kept 
him rustling to buy feed for the horses and family, 
having a wife and four small children. 

What with working in the garden and an occa- 
sional day for Mr. Steel, I managed to keep busy, 
Jessie being out in the field with me most of the 
time, the same as two years before. Early in the 
spring a couple about 50 years of age named Sermy 
had moved on to a place a mile south of us. They 
were what would be known in the South as poor white 
trash. All they had was a small dab of furniture and 
an old horse and buggy. The old lady used to put in 
most of her time chasing around all over the country, 
visiting first one and then another. She would strike 
our place pretty often, Jessie being such a hospitable 
creature. They had been living in a small town just 
below Kinrest, where Mr. Sermy had worked on a 



102 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

railroad. He being laid off, they decided to move out 
in the country, where they could have a good garden. 
They planted a good sized garden and Andrew, "Mr. 
Sermy," worked an odd day in Kinrest. In this way 
they managed to get along fairly well. Along about 
the first of June a Norwegian named Guend, who 
was farming some land east of Kinrest (we were 
west), concluded to plow and plant some barley on 
some of the company's land and picked out the place 
where the Sermys were living. He sent over two 
four-horse teams and the men driving them camped in 
the house. Of course this was all right, as the Sermys 
had just gotten permission to live there so the place 
wouldn't go to rack. But this man Guend was noth- 
ing but an ignorant brute and bully, and knowing the 
people were poor and helpless did everything he could 
to bother them. His men drove right over their gar- 
den in going and coming from work. As there was 
a good pasture on the place, Mr. Guend, having quite 
a bunch of cattle, brought over most of them and 
turned them in the pasture. The pasture, not being 
properly fenced, half of the time the cattle were run- 
ning all over the country. They ran over our oats and 
corn, damaging them considerably. I saw Mr. Guend 
and asked him if he intended to let his cattle run loose, 
intimating that if he couldn't look after them the 



THOUGH MARRIED 103 

pound keeper could. He promised to fix the fence and 
keep them in, but the next day they were out as usual. 
Any of my readers, whether of the country or town, 
who have been blessed with a neighbor of this kind 
will know how our patience was tried. In fact, Jessie's 
patience had played out at the outset. She would 
have given this man Guend a tongue-lashing that he 
wouldn't have forgotten, before this, if I hadn't made 
her promise to say nothing unless in self-defense. Jes- 
sie had gone into the turkey business on a large scale, 
having kept over thirteen from the year before, but 
was having the poorest kind of luck, the wolves having 
the best end of it. Two years before this, just before 
threshing, a man came along whom I had known the 
fall before, and before leaving the house had left a 
revolver in our care, claiming that he did not want 
to carry it while threshing. He never came after it, 
and as we didn't know his address the gun was still 
in our possession. The gun being in the house, gave 
Jessie a sense of security when I was away from home. 
Although I had mingled with all kinds of people 
and had traveled all over the wild and woolly West, I 
had no use for a gun, and had never carried one. 
Jessie, though, knew how to use one, and took a pot 
shot at a wolf now and then. At the time Mr. Guend's 
cattle were on the rampage, I was working in town 



104 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

for Mr. Steel, and while away Mrs. Sermy used to be 
up telling Jessie her troubles. One morning Jessie, 
taking the gun, went to an old straw pile, where she 
had set a wolf trap. On going to this place she had 
to cross the road running north and south. While com- 
ing back she noticed a rig coming from the south 
which got opposite to her when she was close to the 
road. The rig belonged to the man Guend, and he 
waited for her to come up, and as she was passing 
by he stopped her. Knowing that I was working in 
town, he thought it would be nice to bully Jessie a 
little, and proceeded to tell her that we had no lease 
on the land and that he intended to let his cattle run 
loose and that he didn't care whether they spoiled our 
crop or not. By the time he had said this much Jessie 
was boiling over and, producing the gun, which had 
been rolled in her apron, told him that if he let his 
cattle run over our crop again that she would shoot 
the first one she caught on the place. Like all bullies, 
he was an arrant coward, and when he saw the gun, 
combined with the sparkle in Jessie's eyes, almost fell 
out of the rig, and before moving on had promised to 
see that the cattle did not bother us again. After- 
wards the miserable cur drove into town and, going 
to the justice of the peace, tried to get out a warrant 
for Jessie's arrest, claiming she had threatened to 



THOUGH MARRIED 105 

shoot him. The justice managed to put him off and 
that night he and Mr. Gent, who was a deputy sheriff, 
drove up to our place. Mr. Gent came in the house 
and Jessie told him about the whole transaction. The 
next day Guend got his warrant, the county attorney 
was sent for, and in the morning Mr. Gent came up 
after Jessie. She had not been to town for over two 
years, and what few good clothes she had when we 
went South were worn out, and her best dress was 
a calico and it almost prostrated her when she thought 
of being arrested and tried in court and being stared 
at by every Tom, Dick and Harry, but she pulled her- 
self together and faced the ordeal like a soldier. 



io6 HOW TO BE HAPPY 



CHAPTER X 

Right here I shall take the liberty to say that I 
have never known her to be afraid of anything, as far 
as herself was concerned. When we got into the 
court room she was the coolest one there. Having no 
money to employ a lawyer, I acted in that capacity my- 
self. The county attorney opened the case by reading 
the indictment, charging Jessie with a long assortment 
of alsos, furthermores, etc., etc., but it all amounted to 
this, that she had drawn a gun on Mr. Guend and 
threatened to shoot him, this same being a felony and 
punishable by anything from six months to two years 
in prison. While he was reading this fearful docu- 
ment I could feel all the courage I had oozing out of 
my finger ends. After reading the indictment he put 
Mr. Guend on the stand and asked him to tell his story 
in his own way. This he did, swearing that Jessie had 
deliberately pointed the gun at him and threatened to 
shoot. The witness was turned over to me and I 
asked him if he was sure Jessie had pointed the gun 
at him, and he answered yes. I then asked Jessie to 
take the stand and tell her story, which she did. 



THOUGH MARRIED 107 

The prosecuting attorney tried to change her testi- 
mony, but couldn't do so. I then took the stand and 
told them that when I went home the night after the 
trouble Jessie had told me exactly the same story that 
she had told in court, and that I would stake my life 
on its being true. I then brought in three neighbors 
of this man Guend to show what his reputation for 
veracity was, and after they had each told of a few of 
his tricks, I asked them if they thought he was a 
man that could be believed, and they each said they 
wouldn't believe him under oath. I then addressed 
the justice, there being no jury, telling him just how 
this man had been acting. The prosecuting attorney 
then got up and said he didn't consider that the state 
had any case against Mrs. Clarence, my wife, and in 
his opinion the indictment should be quashed. The 
justice then declared the case closed and Jessie free, 
also taking the opportunity of giving Mr. Guend a 
piece of his mind and warning him against letting his 
cattle molest us in any way. 

Thus ended this bit of high tragedy, which was 
certainly exciting while it lasted. You can be sure 
that Jessie and I had a love feast when we got home. 
Of course we didn't expect to be carried off to prison, 
but still there was the possibility of some kind of pun- 
ishment, and I certainly valued Jessie higher than ever 
when I thought how near I was to losing her. 



108 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

We had no further trouble with Mr. Guend and 
jogged along in the same old way until the first of 
July, when I started at the road work once more. The 
only part of my crop that was doing anything was the 
corn, the potatoes being mighty "thick apart." On in- 
vestigating I found that cut worms had eaten the eyes 
of the larger share of the seed. The garden didn't 
amount to anything on account of the land being too 
poor and the season being so dry. The oats were poor 
from the latter cause. In doing road work I figured 
on giving the old team all the best of it, and this is 
what I did for a week. The gravel pit was about 
forty rods from our house. I would roll out at 4 
in the morning, get the horses ready and have break- 
fast eaten in time to get started at 5 130 ; then go to 
the pit, load up, go to town, unload and then haul dirt 
from 7 until 6. For this I received the magnificent 
sum of $4.35. I might say the dirt hauling was a 
snap for the horses, they only being in motion about 
one-quarter of the time, and half of that time were 
hauling the empty wagon. I got along all right at 
this, but the next week there was nothing to do but 
haul gravel, and one day of this played out the horse I 
bought of Mr. Gent. I was certainly up against it, as 
Mr. Gent, being the local agent for the company's land, 
could probably have compelled me to move if I had 



THOUGH MARRIED 109 

kicked up a commotion. So I just took my medicine and 
said nothing. This will seem cowardly to the majority 
of people, but I think if many of my readers had gone 
through the trouble we had they would in all prob- 
ability have done the same thing. As I had a lot of 
road work to do, I looked around for another horse, 
and the man across the way, Mr. Henry, offered to 
sell one for $40 and would take $25 of the pay in road 
work that he had agreed to do. I forthwith closed 
with this deal, and went right after road work in 
earnest, doing $152 worth altogether before I finished. 

Of course I didn't get money for all of this, as I 
owed a couple of store bills. Shortly after this I took 
my team and went to work on a threshing outfit, but 
it was a poor year and I only worked 20 days, realizing 
$100, and there was so much wet weather that I put 
in about six weeks in order to work this short time. 

While at home, during one of the bad spells of 
jveather, the head agent for the land company, accom- 
panied by the Kinrest druggist, drove up to the house 
and informed me that we would have to vacate by the 
first of November. This was about October 10. Be- 
fore harvest I had partly agreed to run a farm the fol- 
lowing year for a man who contemplated taking a 
year's rest, figuring on traveling through the West. 
There was also another man who had spoken to me 



no HOW TO BE HAPPY 

about taking care of his stock during the winter. 
Being pretty sure of either of these jobs, I didn't let 
the having to move worry me much, more especially 
as the man moving in was a bachelor and there was 
lots of room in the house and barn for both of us. 
While the company man was there he also spoke about 
having some plowing done and asked me if I could do 
any. I told him that I thought I could do some when 
I got through threshing. He then told me that he 
wanted as much plowed as he could possibly have 
done. 

I finished threshing at noon on the twenty-seventh 
of October and that afternoon on my way home saw 
both of the men who wanted to hire me, and they each 
had the same story. The crop had turned out so poor 
they would have to change their plans. The next 
morning I started plowing, meaning to stay with it 
until the ground froze up. I worked ten days and after 
the second day I was in torture all the time. I twisted 
my ankle some way, and every step I took I thought 
it would be my last. Jessie begged and pleaded with 
me to quit, but on the head of what I expected to be 
able to plow, I had promised to pay off all I owed, and 
I was just able to do this before I started plowing, and 
what I got for plowing would be "velvet" clear. As 
before stated, Jessie pleaded with me to stop, even 



THO UGH MARRIED 1 1 1 

begged me to let her plow, but this I couldn't do, not 
only because I didn't care to have her at it, but as the 
ground was covered with a heavy growth of weeds, 
she couldn't have held the plow in the ground. One 
day, noticing what a terrible hardship it was for me 
to work, she gave utterance to these words: "I just 
know when you are nearly killing yourself doing this 
work, something will happen ; you won't get your pay, 
or something as bad." On the morning of the tenth 
day who should drive up but Mr. Road, the druggist, 
who had been appointed local agent instead of Mr. 
Gent. He jumped right onto me about the plowing, 
saying that the land I was plowing was sold and that 
the company didn't want any more plowing done. 
After he had quieted down a little I reminded him 
about my being told that they wanted as much plowed 
as they could get done. He then said he would try and 
have me compensated for what I had done. I finished 
the day squaring up the land and then quit. I certainly 
felt sore, especially when I thought of the punish- 
ment I had endured from my sore ankle. 

I was up against it good and hard. My debts were 
all paid, with the exception of what I owed the Nay- 
lors. This was one consolation, but when I took stock 
I found I had just $1.80 to face the winter on. Jessie 
had thirteen turkeys in the spring; now there were 
twenty-six. 



ii2 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

When I left to go threshing a neighbor had prom- 
ised faithfully to come and cut my corn before the 
twentieth of September. I had twelve acres of splen- 
did corn, which I had taken great pride in, and had put 
in a good many hard days working it. I came home on 
the twenty-fifth; the two nights before there were 
very heavy frosts, and found my beautiful corn stand- 
ing in the field frozen and utterly worthless. And, 
mind you, when I got after the neighbor about this 
all the satisfaction I got was that he was very busy 
and couldn't come. 

I had given Mr. Henry the old binder for cutting the 
twenty acres of oats, and on leaving to thresh had got- 
ten the promise of another neighbor that whenever he 
had his own grain threshed he would have mine 
threshed at the same time. He also kept his word like 
the man who was going to cut the corn, and it wasn't 
his fault that I had the oats threshed at all. I man- 
aged to be lucky enough to get another machine to do 
it. The week before Thanksgiving I did $25 worth of 
work hauling gravel for the city, and this was my bank 
account for the winter. I also had to move some- 
where, as the man who had leased the place had deter- 
mined to get us out before winter. Finally I secured 
a place three miles from town, on the river, and we 
moved on the fourth of December, Mr. Henry help- 



THO UGH MARRIED 113 

ing us to do so. This place belonged to a local elevator 
man and was a very pretty place, it being partly sur- 
rounded by a grove. Jessie sold most of her turkeys 
and I unloaded coal and unloaded cars of grain enough 
to get through the winter. 

We put in a fairly good time, especially as we got 
acquainted with our new neighbors. One family in 
particular were the finest people we had met since 
coming to Kinrest. The name was Roy, and Mr. 
Roy and I got to be pretty good chums, while Jessie 
congregated with the girls, who ranged from 13 to 17 
years of age. The next spring I planned to do as 
little speculative work as possible, putting in a good 
garden though and a couple of acres of potatoes, also 
five acres of corn. I did odd jobs with my team and 
took care of the garden until the first of July, when it 
was time to do road work. Jessie kept fairly well and 
was out with me nearly every day while I worked at 
home. When I started to do road work I loaded up 
with provisions and horse feed and went into town and 
camped at Mr. Evade's place until Saturday night, 
sleeping in the barn and eating cold grub. This I 
did for about a month, earning about $120, which was 
very acceptable at this time. We also had sold quite 
a bit of garden stuff. After this I shocked grain for 
the man on whose place we lived, earning about $60 



ii 4 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

at this, and then put in a good threshing season, earn- 
ing $165, and on the first of November I owed nobody 
but the Naylors and had $150 in the bank, which 
seemed like riches to us. 

We had put in a very pleasant summer, as the Roy 
girls thought there was nobody like Jessie and there 
was one or the other with her all the time I was away. 
Jessie had occupied her spare time in papering and 
painting the inside of the house, the owner furnishing 
materials. Jessie was getting very fond of our new 
home, as she especially liked the woods and the river. 
Early in the summer I bought a young cow of Mr. Roy 
and the middle of November bought another at an 
auction sale, this making four we then had. We had 
lots of garden stuff and Jessie had put up a great 
quantity of pickled stuff, which I sold from time to 
time during the winter. We also disposed of quite a 
lot of butter and I unloaded coal as usual. This was 
our best winter, as we had such splendid neighbors, 
and it looked like as if we were getting ahead a little. 
I know Jessie said more than once that she would be 
perfectly contented to stay where we were as long 
as she lived, but this was too good to be true. 

About the first of March, after we had made all 
our plans for the following season, without any warn- 
ing, we got notice to vacate by the first of April, as the 



THOUGH MARRIED 115 

man who owned the land had sold his town property 
and intended to move out on the farm. This broke 
Jessie all up in business. It grieved her so that she 
was shortly sick abed, and there she stayed until we 
had to move. We moved about two miles away, still 
being three miles from town. Jessie was almost heart- 
broken on leaving the other place and begged me to 
get rid of what little we had and go back to Chicago, 
and this I agreed to do, only postponing our departure 
until fall, as I wanted to have a little more ahead be- 
fore going back to the city. I then got a job with a 
dray man in the town and went back and forth three 
miles to and from work, generally walking. This I 
kept up until the tenth of June, when I suddenly con- 
cluded to go out in the western part of the state and 
try and find a homestead. I looked at it this way: I 
had a right to use, and if I never used it would 
never get anything out of it, and if I took up a home- 
stead, at the end of fourteen months if I didn't w r ant 
to live on it any longer I could get my deed for a 
nominal sum and we would then have something to 
fall back on at a pinch. On talking it over with 
Jessie, she agreed, and on the thirteenth I started 
for the West, arriving back on the twenty-seventh, 
having found a good homestead. 

I think this is as good a time as any to bring my 



n6 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

story to a close, as we were fairly prosperous and the 
prospects looked bright. I have covered over five 
years of married life, and I do not think any one 
will say that we did not have hard enough times, as 
far as the lack of money was concerned, but through 
all these hardships we still were fairly happy, as what- 
ever else we lacked we had each other. And that is 
what I have been trying to impress on the minds of 
any who may peruse this narrative. Marriage is not 
a failure as long as the man and woman love each 
other as they should. 



THO UGH MARRIED 117 



CHAPTER XI 

In conclusion I shall take the liberty of handing out 
some parting advice, and this is more especially for 
the unmarried. In the first place, what is the reason 
there are so many unhappy marriages? There are 
dozens of reasons. Here is one. A young fellow 
meets a girl at a gathering of some kind, admires her 
pretty face or pleasant manner, probably escorts her 
home, gets an invitation to call and does so. He al- 
ways goes dressed in his best and is on his very best 
behavior. The girl is of course the same. He may 
keep going for weeks or months. Finally they be- 
come engaged, and may ultimately marry, and yet, as 
far as the knowledge they may have of each other, be 
the same as strangers. Nine times out of ten it is a 
mutual game of deceit. They each pose as faultless. 
Within two weeks after marriage, when they begin to 
find out that their idol is only clay after all, then 
there is trouble. They each think they have been 
deceived, and their faith in each other is shaken, and 
in the majority of cases, even if they live together 
for fifty years, will never think as much of each other 



n8 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

as on the wedding day. And right here is where they 
are both wrong. Even at this time if they would sit 
down and have a heart-to-heart talk they could insure 
their future happiness. If they would make a clean 
breast of their faults and failings, and then agree to 
bear and forbear, and also pledge themselves to tell 
each other the truth under all circumstances, I don't 
think there would be any occasion for them to seek a 
divorce. 

How much better it would be for those interested 
if at the time of their engagement they would each 
give a history of their lives and then delineate their 
characters as they really were, and, as true marriage 
makes two people one, agree to be as one as near as 
it is possible to be. If they follow this advice when 
they are married there will be no shattering of idols. 
Knowing each other's faults and failings, they will 
be careful not to offend. Of course, this only applies 
to young people of good moral character. No good 
woman really and truly loves a drunkard or a gam- 
bler. This is a strong statement to make and I have 
no doubt there are a good many who will take ex- 
ception to this, but nevertheless, dear reader, I think 
on investigation you will find that I am right. The 
most of us know of plenty of cases, and generally the 
woman sticks to the man through thick and thin, but 
does she really love him? 



THO UGH MARRIED 1 19 

Do any of my fair readers really believe that a good 
woman can truly love a man whom she cannot respect ? 
She may stand by him, because of her children, or 
because she knows he has no other friend, but I will 
guarantee that no true Christian woman can truly say 
that she loves her husband as she should if he is a 
drunkard. Do not marry a man to reform him. This 
is a very old saying, but it can be used today just as 
well as fifty years ago, because young women are con- 
tinually doing this same thing. If you would only 
stop to think of it, if the man does not think enough of 
you before marriage to reform, he never will after- 
wards. Probably some girls will say that the majority 
of young men drink and that their chances would be 
mighty slim if they all lived up to this rule. I have 
no doubt but what all unmarried ladies will say that 
they would prefer to marry a temperance man, but as 
there are not enough to go around and they don't care 
to be old maids, they take chances of reforming the 
men, as thousands have done before them. 

Why is it that the majority of women don't drink 
and carouse the same as men? Is it because they 
are so much better? Not altogether. The main rea- 
son is because the men demand that they shall be good 
and pure. Is there any reason why the women should 
not demand that the men whom they marry be the 



120 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

same? None whatever. Some will say,. this sounds 
all right in theory, but is it practicable, and, if 
so, how can it be put into practice? Here is 
an illustration of one way, which I think would be 
practical in a small town, and I have no doubt in a 
city as well. Let a few young women get together and 
draw up a pledge that they will not knowingly go with 
or receive attentions from young men who drink, then 
get out and get all the signers they can for this pledge. 
Also be sure and see that the young men of the town 
hear of it, and if the girls will hang together for one 
month they will find that more good, as far as tem- 
perance is concerned, has been accomplished, than a 
barrel of sermons or lectures could have done. And 
the men themselves will value the girls twice as highly 
as they did before. Young ladies, try this and see 
how it will work. I think you will be agreeably sur- 
prised at the result. 

Now, for a little further information for the couples 
who have married under the conditions I have out- 
lined. They know each other's faults and failings 
as well as good qualities. They love each other de- 
votedly and their whole desire is to make each other 
happy. They are supremely happy at this time, but 
are a little afraid that it cannot last. They have prob- 
ably both known lots of young married couples who 
appeared just as happy as themselves when first mar- 



THOUGH MARRIED 121 

ried, but it only lasted a short time. In their case 
they want the honeymoon to continue indefinitely, but 
how are they going to accomplish it? The answer is 
very simple. By just thinking of the other first and 
always, never mind yourself. The two are one. The 
Good Book says : "It is more blessed to give than to re- 
ceive/' and I know from my own experience that this 
is true. Of course, you may do something sometimes 
for people who do not appear to have any sense of 
gratitude or who think you are soft, and will take 
advantage of your kindness, but this does not apply 
to your other half. 

They say that "The way to a man's heart is through 
his stomach," and I wouldn't wonder but what there 
was a good deal of truth in this. Not long ago I read 
of a prize being given for the best answer to the ques- 
tion, "What is the best way for a wife to hold her 
husband's affections?" An old maid of fifty won the 
prize. Her answer was, "Feed the brute." So it will 
be up to my model young wife to learn to cook, if she 
doesn't already know how. The husband, knowing 
that she is doing her best, if the meat is burned or the 
biscuits heavy, will know that she is feeling bad 
enough without his getting cranky and acting the 
beast. Instead, he should be twice as kind and loving, 
and you may be sure that he will have his reward. 
After he has departed, when the wife thinks what a 



122 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

good, kind husband she has, you may be sure that the 
next meal will be fit for a king, or she will die trying. 
There is one point in particular to which I want to 
draw the attention of the newly married man. Do not 
forget to tell your wife how much you love her. It 
will not hurt you or her either if you tell her fifty 
times a day. Don't let her have to take it for granted. 
Before you were married, during the engagement, 
you never got tired while with her of remarking on 
how fine she looked, etc., etc. She liked it then and 
you can be doubly sure she will like it after marriage. 
My model young married man will be found at home 
when his day's work is done or if he goes out his 
wife will be with him. They are one, and he will 
go nowhere, unless he belongs to a secret society, 
without the wife accompanies him. A word to my 
model young wife. As you want as much of your 
husband's society as you can possibly have, you will 
do everything that you can in order to make his home 
pleasant. The women themselves are to blame in 
many cases for their husbands leaving the house after 
supper. More men would stay at home if home was 
made more attractive to them. But if she starts at him 
as soon as he gets into the house, either finding fault 
or telling about her scraps with the neighbors, she 
needn't be surprised if her man leaves the house as 



THOUGH MARRIED 123 

soon as supper is over. There are hundreds of little 
trials and troubles in the lives of all that are some- 
times harder to put up with than the large ones, but 
if they each keep thinking of the other they will get 
through all right. Another thing most people are 
chary of is praise. A man will praise his neighbor's 
wife's good looks, or way of dressing, or cooking, but 
will never praise his wife in any way. We none of 
us are so old that we do not like a little praise of some 
kind once and awhile. My young married man, I am 
going to tell you a secret. Of course, the ladies are 
not supposed to read this. The next time you come 
home to supper, if you haven't done it before, start in 
by telling your wife how good the supper is, how much 
better it is eating at home than anywhere else. You 
also might remark how good looking she is and how 
much you think of her, how glad you are that you 
didn't marry some other girl that you used to go with, 
etc., etc. Do not be afraid of laying it on too thick. 
She may make believe that she thinks you are making 
fun of her, but will believe what you say just the 
same, and you may be sure that it will be chalked up 
to your credit. I am writing from my own experience. 
I used to practice this and I know how it worked. 

Suppose a man is in business of some kind. He 
has all kinds of worries and vexations at his place of 



124 HOW TO BE HAPPY 

business, but he keeps his temper and keeps right on 
smiling and looking pleasant, but as soon as he starts 
for home he throws off the mask. He only expects 
to meet his wife and family and it doesn't matter how 
he behaves to them. He will come in like a bear and 
complain and find fault until bed time. Is this right? 
I don't think any one will say it is. The very ones he 
should be the kindest to, receive nothing but abuse. 
I have been an inmate for more or less time of a good 
many homes, and in the majority of them the best 
side of the character was shown to people outside of 
the home. This should not be. Dear reader, just 
take yourself to task and see if there is not room for 
improvement in the way you treat your home people. 

I want to emphasize what I have stated before. 
There can be no true happiness in married life unless 
there is absolute confidence. The man and wife should 
be one in all particulars. The wife should know just 
what the income is, in order to know how to figure on 
the household expenses. If she is a true, good woman, 
she will try to make the money go as far as possible. 

My advice to the man would be, if you are working 
on a salary, just hand the money to your wife and 
let her do the figuring. Nine times out of ten you 
will be ahead on the proposition. 

I might go on indefinitely, telling what to do under 
different conditions. 



THOUGH MARRIED 125 

I may say this much for those who are unhappily 
married: Just take an inventory of your faults and 
failings, not your partner's, and cut some of them 
out. Praise when you want to find fault, and I am 
pretty sure good results will follow. 

Now I am sure I have written enough, what with 
my own story and the advice given, to demonstrate 
"How to Be Happy Though Married." 

Many who read this will say that they have diffi- 
culties and trials which are different from anything 
I have written of. All I can say is that if you care- 
fully read over what I have written I think you will 
find an answer to most of the problems of married 
life. 

In sending this little story out among the people 
my only wish is that it may help some to be more 
contented with their lot, however situated, and live a 
happier life. I have absolute faith in its doing so if 
the reader thoroughly assimilates and then goes and 
does likewise. 

It would give me much pleasure to hear from any 
who may be helped by the perusal of this narrative. 

I bid farewell to my readers and wish you all a joy- 
ful and happy life, though married. 

FINIS. 



*Wfi 22 J908 



